roachboy

i'm not a particularly anxious person.
but i tend sometimes to avoid difficult things for a while.
so if i am anxious about something, it will often not be obvious to me either that anything like that is up or that i am avoiding anything.
generally, once i figure it out, i'll try to change the situation.
but it can take a few running starts to get there.
it's the strangest thing.

back in the day when i was broke, this would get me in trouble.
one of the things that made me nervous was being broke.
one of the ways i would avoid it was by acting as though i wasn't.

i still have to force myself to look at by bank balance, and if i don't force myself, i can go for extended periods without checking once.
this despite the fact that my material situation is quite different than it once was.
it's a carryover i think.

__________________
a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear

it make you sick.

-kamau brathwaite