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RogueGypsy · 11-10-2010, 02:13 AM

I guess I'd have to say I fear myself more than anything. It's kind of my only fear too. The closest thing to that is an apprehension of hurting others. Not really a fear, but close, I feel sick if I hurt someone. Even when they desperately deserve it. Now, before rocks and bullshit flags start flying, let me say, this isn't a statement of Ego. Like 'I'm so bad my shadow runs from me'. No, this is a statement based on 40 years of doing some really stupid shit.

Sure I evaluate and weigh a situation before leaping. It's just more of a risk vs. reward analysis. Than an afraid vs. I can do it, analysis.

e.g.: I'm on this side of the ravine and I want to be on that side of the ravine. I'm on a dirt bike.
Assessment: If I have the speed and I hit the lip right, I can make it, no problem.
Risk: If I miscalculate, I could plant the front tire on the opposite lip and do a low level Superman, collecting 20yds of rock, cactus and lizards with my face. Or worse.
Reward: If I make it, I'll be on the other side and that would be pretty cool.
Decision: Fuck it or go for it. Depends on the how badly I want to be on the other side.

That, by the way, isn't a random example. I did decide to go for it and I did do a spectacular low level Superman collecting all of the above and a slow moving beetle of two. Cracked my helmet, caved the front forks and bent the front rim. I then, after picking the larger rocks and cactus out of my face, had to climb down the 15' deep wash and ride 10 miles with bent forks and a flat tire over basket ball size rocks. Before finding a wall low enough to ride up and out of the wash. Then 5 miles back to camp. Yep, I scare me. I did it again the next day and made it. The other side is cool.

That's kind of how I approach everything. I don't always go for it, sometimes I'd rather just cruise along and enjoy the day. Not out of fear, just because it's good enough the way it is.

When I hesitate it's because I know there's a real good chance I could really mess myself up. So I'm weighing the odds of pulling it off in my head and considering how it's going to affect the rest of my day and those around me. If I'm with some of my crazier friends and there's a medic handy, the scales tilt to one side. If I'm with mellower people or I'm looking at crawling 3 miles over hot sand and cactus to patch myself up or find someone else too. The scale tips to the other side a bit. Fear doesn't play into it. It's just weighing the risk and the reward.

Knowing that I'm like this and always have been. There are some things I will not do. One, is jump out of an airplane. Not because I'm afraid of the fall, but because I think I might like it too much and forget to pull the cord while I'm falling and screaming weee weee weeeeeeeeee, know what I mean?!

It's more the lack of fear that's affected my life. Recovery time cuts into living time. It's also cost me a few friends. Their ego's couldn't take watching me do what they wouldn't do, or they were convinced I was going to end up killing myself and they didn't want to be around to see it. Oh well, shit happens.

This still reads a bit egotistical, it's really not. I'm very relaxed about life and living. I'm not a daredevil, running around, looking for ways to hurt myself. I'm not an adrenaline junky looking for the next fix. I just don't see any reason not to do, what I want to do. That's life, isn't it?! Living.

This is a physical example, but is analogous to how I live in all aspects. I keep emotions tighter to the vest, but the rest is kind of a free-for-all for living. e.g. I lost one very good friend because I wasn't afraid to talk to any woman in the bar. He was afraid to approach most of them, but he was also afraid one of their boyfriends was gonna kill me. Shit happens.

11-10-2010, 02:13 AM	#7 (permalink)
RogueGypsy Insane Location: The Great NorthWet	I guess I'd have to say I fear myself more than anything. It's kind of my only fear too. The closest thing to that is an apprehension of hurting others. Not really a fear, but close, I feel sick if I hurt someone. Even when they desperately deserve it. Now, before rocks and bullshit flags start flying, let me say, this isn't a statement of Ego. Like 'I'm so bad my shadow runs from me'. No, this is a statement based on 40 years of doing some really stupid shit. Sure I evaluate and weigh a situation before leaping. It's just more of a risk vs. reward analysis. Than an afraid vs. I can do it, analysis. e.g.: I'm on this side of the ravine and I want to be on that side of the ravine. I'm on a dirt bike. Assessment: If I have the speed and I hit the lip right, I can make it, no problem. Risk: If I miscalculate, I could plant the front tire on the opposite lip and do a low level Superman, collecting 20yds of rock, cactus and lizards with my face. Or worse. Reward: If I make it, I'll be on the other side and that would be pretty cool. Decision: Fuck it or go for it. Depends on the how badly I want to be on the other side. That, by the way, isn't a random example. I did decide to go for it and I did do a spectacular low level Superman collecting all of the above and a slow moving beetle of two. Cracked my helmet, caved the front forks and bent the front rim. I then, after picking the larger rocks and cactus out of my face, had to climb down the 15' deep wash and ride 10 miles with bent forks and a flat tire over basket ball size rocks. Before finding a wall low enough to ride up and out of the wash. Then 5 miles back to camp. Yep, I scare me. I did it again the next day and made it. The other side is cool. That's kind of how I approach everything. I don't always go for it, sometimes I'd rather just cruise along and enjoy the day. Not out of fear, just because it's good enough the way it is. When I hesitate it's because I know there's a real good chance I could really mess myself up. So I'm weighing the odds of pulling it off in my head and considering how it's going to affect the rest of my day and those around me. If I'm with some of my crazier friends and there's a medic handy, the scales tilt to one side. If I'm with mellower people or I'm looking at crawling 3 miles over hot sand and cactus to patch myself up or find someone else too. The scale tips to the other side a bit. Fear doesn't play into it. It's just weighing the risk and the reward. Knowing that I'm like this and always have been. There are some things I will not do. One, is jump out of an airplane. Not because I'm afraid of the fall, but because I think I might like it too much and forget to pull the cord while I'm falling and screaming weee weee weeeeeeeeee, know what I mean?! It's more the lack of fear that's affected my life. Recovery time cuts into living time. It's also cost me a few friends. Their ego's couldn't take watching me do what they wouldn't do, or they were convinced I was going to end up killing myself and they didn't want to be around to see it. Oh well, shit happens. This still reads a bit egotistical, it's really not. I'm very relaxed about life and living. I'm not a daredevil, running around, looking for ways to hurt myself. I'm not an adrenaline junky looking for the next fix. I just don't see any reason not to do, what I want to do. That's life, isn't it?! Living. This is a physical example, but is analogous to how I live in all aspects. I keep emotions tighter to the vest, but the rest is kind of a free-for-all for living. e.g. I lost one very good friend because I wasn't afraid to talk to any woman in the bar. He was afraid to approach most of them, but he was also afraid one of their boyfriends was gonna kill me. Shit happens. __________________ Methods, application and intensity of application vary by the individual. All legal wavers must be signed before 'treatment' begins. Self 'Medicating' is not recommend. However, if necessary, it is best to have an 'assistant' or 'soft landing zone' nearby. Any and all legal issues resulting from improperly applied techniques should be forwarded to: Dewy, Cheatum & Howe, Intercourse, PA 17534. Attn: Anonymous. Last edited by RogueGypsy; 11-10-2010 at 02:26 AM..