My cracker brother from another mother, Skafe, touched on this... but I'm good at kicking dead horses so I'll lace 'em up:
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Originally Posted by John$
I have a far out point of view on this. I doubt any of the guys would agree with me but some of the ladies may relate.
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Well, at least you know where you stand. I like your preface; it's not pretentious. But don't pander to the stereotypes I'm about to touch on next.
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Originally Posted by John$
In my view, men do not listen to women when she talks to them. As I see it, listening is the art of noticing not just what a person is saying but also what they are not saying. It is the degree of noticing and relating to that person's feelings and points of view.
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Dramarama. Ah, yes, women talk too much and men don't listen. Women have the 256-color feelings, men are operating with 16-color. So we have stereotypes (useful or not). You have to read into what your partner doesn't say because they won't come out and say it. So we have head games (never useful). Neither of these things are helpful here. Both of these issues perpetuate a large number of relationship problems in a large number of relationships. In fact, you can probably put at least three fourths of all TFP relationship posts into those boxes. I've been amongst those ranks.
Regardless of the toolbox in your pants, we're all basically the same in relationships. We have desires and limits, our partner has desires and limits. Frank discussion is the only healthy way to square up. It's awkward being a mature adult. You have to be assertive, confront people and deal with rejection... whether it's smoothly asking for a first date or asking if your long time partner will let you oil her up and bust out the nipple clamps.
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Originally Posted by John$
Now I mention this because I suspect that the OP's issues are not about sex but they are about the connectedness between him and his loved one.
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No, they
are about sex. Sex is the only problem here. Issues with
sex, communication about
sex. Hell, they've been married for longer than I've been alive. They've probably got the communication thing down. His problem? He just wants to do her nasty and she's not having it. It's a common problem that has two typical resolutions: either he constantly beats his dick like it owes him money while watching his preferred fantasies on _Porn Site_ or she decides to put herself out there to make him happy and lets him do her armpit. Those are your Adult Options. Teamwork or help yourself.
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Originally Posted by John$
Once a woman feels, and that is a very internal sense for her, that you are interested in her, she will be more inclined to have fun with you.
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Decades. That and I was wondering if you'd like to talk to my exwife for me about why our relationship failed. I think you've got the magic.
...
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Originally Posted by Vigilante
For instance, I would walk up behind her in the morning when we're getting ready for work and grab her boob lightly while hugging her from behind, and she would snap at me and tell me to stop.
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I'm guilty of this. I've been with girls that totally hated it because they felt I was "treating them like a piece of meat." Girl I'm with now has no problem with it (and friggin' amazing boobs; double win). If I recall correctly, I started one of my big fail threads on this topic. Anybody remember the title?