Hey folks
This is a long read, so if you TLDR then I understand.
I've been married for nearly 14 years, and we're deeply in love. We always have been. I'm nearly 35, she just turned 33 and we've been together since high school. There is this one nagging thing though - sex drive. You could say my wife's sex drive is orders of magnitude less than mine. This has always been the case.
I've been masturbating for 20 years, and I somehow imagined that when I got married, I wouldn't have to do it as often. Ha. Admittedly I don't do it 4 or 5 times a day any more, but I still do it daily. My wife doesn't masturbate at all and has sex once every 2 weeks or so. I would be insane if I tried to keep that schedule. My brand of kink is extremely varied and wild, while she only kind of goes along for the ride when she feels my fantasies are tolerable. You could say, on sex, she has no opinion other than "no".
So after years of trying to wake up her hidden slut, I broke down recently. It's hard to explain, but I'll try. My internal conflict lies in the fact that I feel defined in some way by my sexual desires and what I can or can not do, while remaining in the constraints of my wife's ideas on what sex is. Obviously this causes issues, which I internalize completely because I happen to love everything else we share in life. Once every couple of years or so, I have to talk about this with her, the goal of which is to try to get her to try something new, maybe get her hooked, like me. So far, I have found nothing.
Recently we were discussing 3somes and she mentioned jokingly "It's not fair, would you let me have sex with a guy?" After some thought, I think I surprised her because actually, yes, I would. This was always her safety question in the past, the one I could never agree to in her mind, so of course a 3some would not be possible. However, once I really considered it during the summer, it became a really big fantasy of mine. I've never wanted anything more than for her to get super raunchy, and maybe, just maybe, another guy giving her some extra attention would turn her out, you know? Plus I have a repressed bisexual side that finds this fascinating. I would love to go as far as watching her get gang-banged, and join in after it gets sloppy and lose all inhibition. So, really, having another guy in the mix sounds like some major fun. I don't care how it goes, either MFM or MMF, but I would really like to see her ride a cock besides my own, and finish on him too.
I brought this up recently, when we were traveling to vegas during the summer. I suggested we go hit the strip in vegas and see if she can find someone she likes, maybe see if he's cool then see if he's down for some action (protected of course). She wouldn't hear of it.
I brought this up again recently, sharing details of how much fun we could have swapping positions and all, and asked her to think about it for a while. She did, and promptly tried to forget about it. All the while, I couldn't get the thought out of my head, sometimes waking up horny as shit and having to rub one out. I'm here typing at 4:30AM for this reason tonight, actually. Last night was just a random time to ask, after about a month, what she came up with.
Her: "I don't really want to do that."
Me: "That's ok. I know it's a real personal topic so yeah I'm not going to pressure you."
Her: "I just didn't bring it up again because I didn't want to argue."
Then it was like the conversation didn't happen. It has been like this for everything kinky. Just "no". Can we do this? No. That? No. Wanna try this? No. It's like a kid asking an angry nun for a piece of candy: NO.
Now I'm not saying that we don't have fun when we have sex. For instance she put on a body stocking recently for the first time, and we went at it like animals. Hey that was great, but afterward I was thinking how awesome it would be if that wasn't my load dripping out of her when she stood up, and how hard she would cum if I was licking her all over her neck and boobs (her favorite) while she was getting pounded from behind (also her favorite) by another guy she was attracted to.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just me. Maybe I'm fucking crazy. Or maybe it's because I grew up in a strict household and some part of me still wants to defy the establishment. Maybe it's because I don't feel threatened by open sex, even in marriage. Not open relationships, mind you, just swinging and shared kink. Maybe it's because I do have some bisexual side, however difficult to admit even on the web, that I want to explore further, and this is a way of doing that.
Who knows. Hopefully this gives you some idea of my internal conflict. After years of this, I broke down a few weeks ago and took a day off of work to try to redefine myself and how I define sex and self image. I would do this for the one I love, if I could. However after a mental roller coaster ride for 2 days, I found myself realizing that I have not been asking her to compromise, but rather I have been compromising myself when faced with her brick wall. I told her that, and she agreed. I was a bit surprised when she took my hand and asked me to lead her, but now she is falling back into her old habits.
I am afraid that this won't last. She may be shocked when this keeps up and I finally tell her I'm continuing on my path whether she joins me or not. All I ask is "try it, and leave it if you don't like it". But the angry nun in her says "No" every time. Damn that catholic upbringing. Her mind is not open to anything new, yet I seek new experiences everywhere I go.
I'm 34 now. How many more years do I have of real sexual potential before I become just another dirty old man? Sometimes I feel like the clock is ticking, and I don't want to leave this life with regrets, of things I wish I had done, but didn't.
Who can relate to this? How did you resolve it, or did you?