BlueBongo

Sometimes I am happy with myself and other times I am not. I am happy with who I am on the inside, but the feelings of obeisity really wear me down.

I think at 21 and 260 lbs.. this is the most I have weighed in my life. I constantly say I need to do something about it.. but I can't motivate myself. Sometimes I consider joining the military just so I can go back to the rigorous daily routines of getting in shape and having that person there motivating.... I am just a lazy person. I have gotten too comfortable with myself, yet I still yearn to look and feel better.

I don't have esteem-issues, but I do have a problem motivating myself. Telling myself what is right... should I choose to put that butter on the bread? or should I go without?

With things like heart problems, diabetes, clogged arteries, and various fat/sugar causing diseases that run in my family one would think that would motivate me.

I am just scared now. Even the dietician couldn't help me. But anymore I know I'm attractive, but when I look in the mirror I just get so disappointed.

I suppose when someone else in my family dies maybe then I will be motivated? who knows.

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"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."