First off; Welcome to TFP, James
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Anyways Im seeing this girl right now and Im having trouble sexually.
We tryed having sex once but it didnt work out well as I wasnt able to get hard. Thought it was performance anxiety as shes a bit older than me. Or that something was really wrong with me.
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For a first time, and with an intimidating partner, performance anxiety is very much so possible. Based on solely this, I would have a hard time believing that something is terribly wrong with you.
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First I dont get hard with her without physical stimulation. I am not sure if this is normal or not for someone my age, but i make out with her, feel her up, finger her, but I dont get hard at all.
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Now, normal is a dangerous word to use around sexuality as a whole. A more appropriate question would be "Is it normal for you?" Has it happened to you with previous partners? and what does get you hard, aside from physical interaction? (porn on the internet? certain memories? erotic stories? etc.)
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So this situation occurs. Im in my car with her and she starts giving me a dry handjob. but shes not very good at it and it takes about 3-5 minutes before i start getting aroused. Finally I start getting hard and she keeps going but i cant ejaculate. She starts moving onto a blowjob but it felt terrible. I instantly went soft. She stays around the tip and felt kinda painful. I didnt tell her at all though and I said it felt really good I just didnt want to cum in my car.
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Now, first and foremost, where are you mentally when this is taking place? are you calm and relaxed? or tense and nervous? Things like that have a HUGE impact on how easily you can get aroused (personally, when im really uncomfortable, you're going to have one hell of a time getting me hard)
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So Im not sure what I should do. She says stuff like dont worry about it maybe im just not the right girl for you and stuff like that and it makes me feel terrible. Shes older than me and we joke around that shes experienced and shell teach me some new things. Shes really open minded but I feel really uncomfortable telling her shes bad at oral sex. I dont know how to bring it up.
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IMO; when it comes to sexuality, honesty, honesty, honesty. You're not going to do anyone any favours keeping things like this to yourself. But at the same time I can understand how bringing it up can be somewhat uncomfortable, try bringing it up when you two are just lounging, or perhaps a non confrontational approach might work best?
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I also dont know how to make it better, I was thinking of bringing some kind of lube with me but i dont know if that would be kinda creepy or not. and I dont even know what to buy or where to get it.
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First off, try your best to relax, and don't worry about whether or not you will get hard, or whatnot. You may also want to try something arousing that isn't physical (sexting, dirty comments, etc. This may not be very applicable however, I don't know much about your relationship.)
Bringing lube to an expected sexual encounter is anything but creepy, as far as I'm concerned. As for where to get it, your local drugstore or pharmacy will most likely have it (don't know where you live, but here in Canada, our drugstores will cary a wide variety of lubes, condoms and whatnot.)
Hope some of that helps!
Cheers
-Studentech