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I have a similar problem, it takes me a very long time to reach orgasm in any fashion.
Penetration for me is a no go, this has never yielded an orgasm on its own, the accompaniment of a vibe is always needed. As for purely clitoral orgasms go, there are some days I just know it not going to work, I can tell this in about 20-30 minutes of stimulation.
Thankfully I have found a vibe that works most of the time, but even with this I have problems. Like remmy said, it is very much about the mind and being utterly aroused, but I can still have difficulties even when I am completely turned on and raring to go.
For oral, I am surprised his jaw hasn't given out yet. He is a trooper and will try for as long as I let him, I know we have reached an hour easy, most of the time I will make him stop before this. What seems to work best for me is to clear my mind and sort of drift off. It almost feels like I am going to fall asleep, I am that relaxed. This has had the best success for me.
If nothing else, you know that you can have an orgasm via penetration so go with that until you can achieve orgasm via direct stimulation. Many woman can't have an orgasm with penetration alone, perhaps you are just the opposite. But the more you stress about it, the more likely it won't happen.
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Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey
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