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yeah, avoid stimulants, relax, wine or something. Hot bath, massage, get the blood flowing and release your mind.
If that approach does not work.
Try the opposite, stimulants.
more often than not, the body works, its the mind that is the problem. Clear your mind. or put some sexy thoughts in there.
Try lubes, like astroglide? try massage first, or lying naked together, skin to skin for a while before sex.
Do you read romance novels or erotic stuff, or watch flims/shows with erotic stuff in it, like HBO programs and the like? Get the brain going.
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