Oh my GOD! Levite thats such a spectacular failure! I love it
This one happened to me in the winter of ought 8, looking back on it it might have been one of the worst sting of bad decisions I'd ever made. I'd played a show with a band in downtown Nashville and was invited out to sort of an after party, it sounded like fun and my sort of gf at the time, Megan wanted to go so we went over. It was a little apartment on the north side, one bedroom, a small living area, kitchen and bathroom certainly not the best place to be crammed with 20 plus people looking for a good time.
For some odd reason neither Megan or I had really had much to drink that night so boredom set in pretty quickly when people started filtering out, by 1 or 2 in the morning the place was pretty much dead, a few people passed out on the couch (including this hot little blond number who had slept through having her shirt and bra pulled off...just slept there as her tits slowly moved up and down with the motion of her breath...damn I wished I'd had a camera), a couple was making some sweet love in the bedroom and the remaining stragglers had taken over the kitchen to play drinking games...it was getting pretty lame. Earlier in the night I'd made some bet with her over god knows what but the winner got oral sex at the time of his or her choosing...it was just one of those funny things we did for some stupid reason...anyway I was bored and it was time to pay up.
The apartment wasn't too accommodating, the staircase even worse and the small balcony far to public but for some reason I had it my mind that I was getting head at this party (maybe I'd been thinking about the blond on the sofa). So we turned to the bathroom. Now I have to shift gears here for a second and give a bit of back story. In this particular crowd of friends we know a fella named Rich. Rich is a great guy but just can't seem to hold his alcohol and when shit starts flowing heavy he usually winds up puking his guts out in the bathroom...this night wasn't any different.
Megan and I opened the door and sure enough there's Rich passed out and curled around the toilet, I poked him with a plunger and got no response but what the hell he was a good guy and I couldn't imagine he'd deny me a little after party head in the bathroom because he'd passed out by the toilet. So we thought fuck it, I drop my pants and lower my hairy ass down on the toilet seat her top comes off and she gets down to business. MY GOD was she amazing at giving head, this was head for the ages...wars have been started over blow jobs like this one...sonnets, symphonies, great literary works have been written over lesser ones. This is ball gargling, devouring a popsicle and swallowing the stick head.
So I'm moments away from blowing my wad and suddenly Rich begins to stir, he mumbles a little bit, coughs and suddenly yells out "WHAT THE FUCK!!!" Oblivious or I guess not caring we just keep going until he flips out shoves me off the toilet seat at full force and sends me and Megan tumbling into the shower door. Now you have to picture that one because I don't possess the writing skills to do it justice. She's throat deep in Mantooth cock and the shove sends me crotch first into her face like a giant hairy, flesh colored freight train. I know I was probably in the wrong here but having my oral sexfest interrupted at three in the morning by a lightweight toilet jockey set me to a rage.
Still pantless and my gf on the floor checking to see if she still has any teeth left he gives me a shove, I shove him back and we wind up rolling around on the kitchen floor swatting each other with half assed punches. Its about this time that fellow who owns the apartment comes around the corner to see whats going on and I can only imagine what was running through his mind as we wrestled on the floor with my ass displayed for the whole kitchen to see. Everyone pulls us apart, which was easy as we were already starting to laugh about it and a handshake later we'd made peace...Megan not so much as she stormed out of the apartment and pretty much out of my life.
Easy come easy go I guess but old Rich never ceases to share this story with ANYBODY who might be willing to listen to it including earlier this evening to a girl I was currently chatting up. Thanks buddy you owe me one brunette and barrel of of Lynchburg's finest.
