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Wow, okay. First off, any relationship where you snoop on your SO is not a good one. The foundation of any healthy relationship is TRUST. Trusting someone means you don't go poking around on their computer, you don't look into their email, and you don't check their texts, unless you have their EXPLICIT permission to do so.
On top of the foundation of trust is an essential skill to maintaining any healthy relationship: communication. It sounds like the two of you need to do some serious metacommunication: talking about your relationship. What do you both want out of it? What makes you happy? Are you getting the things you need to make you happy in your relationship? What are the fixable conflicts in your relationship? What are the conflicts you can work with that aren't fixable?
Ultimately, relationships are about compromise. If you're with someone who isn't willing to meet you halfway in getting your relationship needs met, then that isn't a very healthy nor stable relationship. It's a selfish one. Relationships are about give and take.
As for me in my relationship: we engage in frequent (but not overly so) metacommunication. Any time either of us has a problem, we turn to the other, and we discuss it until we feel we've reached a meaningful conclusion. One of the things I've heard from people who know us (such as my parents) is that they really respect that we aren't afraid to hash things out with each other. We would rather confront something than let it fester. I think one of the things that helps is that I studied family science in university and therefore have taken classes on marital conflict, marital communication, and so on. These skills are just that--skills. They can be learned. I definitely feel like my "communication toolbox" is a lot more complete now than when we first got together 5 years ago, and that our relationship is healthier because of it.
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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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