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The_Dunedan · 08-11-2010, 12:58 PM

Dear UPS Driver,
I know you're a Teamster, and I know you're new. I know all your Teamster buddies have informed you that you aren't required to do anything but drive the truck, and that loading/unloading are jobs for "Them." You know, the non-Teamsters of the world.

Permit me to disabuse you of that notion. I pay UPS, who pays you, and -they- pay you to drive, load, and unload that Goddamned truck. Neither I nor they pay you to park that truck in the middle of my parking-lot, 30 feet from the door, and sit there blowing your horn. I am -not- going to walk out 30 feet into my parking lot to do your job for you. Your truck has mirrors, a tail-end camera, and a loooooong overhang on the ass-end. Do like your predecessors, and just back up to my door. It's not hard, and it'll make your life a -lot- easier when you have to manhandle 400lbs of Russian Destruction into your truck in 90-degree weather. And yes, believe it or not, you -do- have to do that. I will happily -help- you with it, but no, I am not going to load your truck for you. I am -also- not going to walk out into the middle of my parking lot in the rain to UNload your truck for you.

Furthermore, none of this will improve with repetition. The first time you sat in my parking-lot and blew the horn at me, I stood in the door and waved. The second time, I blew a marine air-horn at you, then stood in the door and waved. If this horn-blowing nonsense persists, so will my escalation. You want bagpipes? Bring it.

You know, there's a recession on. Lots of people are out of work and would be perfectly happy to take that job, with all the wonderful benefits and Union-scale wages, off your hands if you dislike it -that- badly. I'm sure several of your fellow drivers, the ones who know what they're doing and don't get a vaguely queasy look on their faces when they realize we're a gun-shop, would be equally delighted to relieve you of this onerous responsibility and hideous trial of having to actually get off your ass. You might wish to ponder this.

Very sincerely yours,
Dunedan

08-11-2010, 12:58 PM	#68 (permalink)
The_Dunedan Junkie	Dear UPS Driver, I know you're a Teamster, and I know you're new. I know all your Teamster buddies have informed you that you aren't required to do anything but drive the truck, and that loading/unloading are jobs for "Them." You know, the non-Teamsters of the world. Permit me to disabuse you of that notion. I pay UPS, who pays you, and -they- pay you to drive, load, and unload that Goddamned truck. Neither I nor they pay you to park that truck in the middle of my parking-lot, 30 feet from the door, and sit there blowing your horn. I am -not- going to walk out 30 feet into my parking lot to do your job for you. Your truck has mirrors, a tail-end camera, and a loooooong overhang on the ass-end. Do like your predecessors, and just back up to my door. It's not hard, and it'll make your life a -lot- easier when you have to manhandle 400lbs of Russian Destruction into your truck in 90-degree weather. And yes, believe it or not, you -do- have to do that. I will happily -help- you with it, but no, I am not going to load your truck for you. I am -also- not going to walk out into the middle of my parking lot in the rain to UNload your truck for you. Furthermore, none of this will improve with repetition. The first time you sat in my parking-lot and blew the horn at me, I stood in the door and waved. The second time, I blew a marine air-horn at you, then stood in the door and waved. If this horn-blowing nonsense persists, so will my escalation. You want bagpipes? Bring it. You know, there's a recession on. Lots of people are out of work and would be perfectly happy to take that job, with all the wonderful benefits and Union-scale wages, off your hands if you dislike it -that- badly. I'm sure several of your fellow drivers, the ones who know what they're doing and don't get a vaguely queasy look on their faces when they realize we're a gun-shop, would be equally delighted to relieve you of this onerous responsibility and hideous trial of having to actually get off your ass. You might wish to ponder this. Very sincerely yours, Dunedan