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Originally Posted by katyg
I guess I feel yes I probably was an enabler, but it certainly didn't feel like a choice, each time he would go back to drugs and the fighting started - I would ask him to leave. He would cry, look me in the eye and promise to change - it's hard to get rid of someone you want to be with, I am a romantic and until it became violent in the last dying weeks I held out hope.
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It may not have felt like a choice, but it was. The best thing you can do now is be grateful that he gave you the chance to learn some lessons (even if they were painful) about where to draw the line.
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I have never had a similar situation, I do not feel it's a pattern in my attachments, just unlucky and naive, perhaps trying to hard - thinking I could 'fix' someone. I wanted to make him happy and give him a safe place, and in doing so, I made myself well, not myself anymore. I was paranoid, lost my confidence and smile.
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I'm glad this isn't a pattern for you and that you can see your part in it. It's not that anything you did was wrong exactly - there are millions of people who have done the same thing, staying with someone who was bad for them. But the power is in making sure you are responsible for why you stayed. You owe that to yourself.
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I have started to exercise more, joined a jewellery class, a photography class and begun to socialise a lot more. I am trying to move on.
I am tempted to move out of my flat (which I own) to living with friends and rent this place out, should I get rid of all the things that remind me? Photos etc? Is that healthy or destructive?
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I don't know about making such a clean break - on one hand, it could be a good way to start completely new. On the other hand, if it feels like running away from memories and thoughts you want to escape, it may be more useful to confront them head on. Only you can really know which of these is driving that decision.
I don't think it's necessarily either healthy or destructive to throw away photos and mementos...if you think having them around is going to weaken your resolve, then by all means get rid of them. Or give them to a friend with instructions not to let you see them again for 5 years.