I find music gives me the most comfort:
I guess I feel yes I probably was an enabler, but it certainly didn't feel like a choice, each time he would go back to drugs and the fighting started - I would ask him to leave. He would cry, look me in the eye and promise to change - it's hard to get rid of someone you want to be with, I am a romantic and until it became violent in the last dying weeks I held out hope.
Hope dies last.
I have never had a similar situation, I do not feel it's a pattern in my attachments, just unlucky and naive, perhaps trying to hard - thinking I could 'fix' someone. I wanted to make him happy and give him a safe place, and in doing so, I made myself well, not myself anymore. I was paranoid, lost my confidence and smile.
I have started to exercise more, joined a jewellery class, a photography class and begun to socialise a lot more. I am trying to move on.
I am tempted to move out of my flat (which I own) to living with friends and rent this place out, should I get rid of all the things that remind me? Photos etc? Is that healthy or destructive?