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What is with the "go me!"
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Pretty sure it's called sarcasm
I find it interesting that people are so willing to talk about "manning up" and accepting the responsibility of actions, yet no one apparently expects the mother to do the same thing. The
responsible thing for the mother to do in this situation would be to either abort or put the child up for adoption. It is
irresponsible for the mother to carry this child to term with the intention of keeping it, yet no one wants to talk about how
she isn't being responsible here. Soma's not asking how to get away with being a deadbeat dad, and no one here is advising him to be one. Rather, the discussion has been centered on how to help the mother to see what the more responsible options are, how to make sure he's not stuck caring for someone else's kid, and, finally, how to minimize the negative impact this unplanned pregnancy will have on the rest of his life.
As for the specific topic of abortion - and this is really approaching deserving a different thread - while there is no doubt that some mothers do suffer regret after abortion, the evidence points to this emotional impact being
seriously overstated by those who are opposed to abortion. This is not to discount the experience of someone like katyg or yourself. Some women most certainly regret the decision. It is simply a mistake to
assume that the difficult decision to abort will also lead to years of regret and anguish afterward. But again, no one is saying soma should bully her into getting an abortion, some people (including me) are simply saying that it is an option that should be seriously discussed. The fact that you regret your own has no bearing on what decision is right for soma and his girlfriend.
Awhile back, a certain TFP user wrote about her experience having had an abortion as a teenager, and you know what? She did not talk about regret. She did not talk about how that "chapter remains within [her] book and always feels empty." She was perfectly fine with the decision and recognizes it was the best choice to make. So please don't promote the sexist idea that men just don't understand and woe is woman who will always and forever regret having not given a chance to the clump of cells growing in their womb. The "what if" argument is tired and faulty, as powerclown demonstrates (perhaps unintentionally) in post #6. Women are just as capable as men to find peace with the decision to abort, and men are just as capable as women to regret that decision. In my own relationship, we've done everything necessary to avoid pregnancy over the past 10 years, but if we were to find out tomorrow that she's pregnant we would be making a trip to Planned Parenthood the next day. That's the real mistake here with soma's situation, because both my girlfriend and I have discussed this and there has never been any question that we would both choose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. Soma didn't establish that understanding, and so he's paying the consequence. But again, that's in the past. It doesn't do him one bit of help to tell him how he should have done this or shouldn't have done that. It's kind of hard not to realize these things when you're faced with an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy.
Don't go moralizing and generalizing about your own decisions as if they apply equally to others. Especially don't go telling someone that their feelings aren't valid or that they shouldn't express their own needs and desires because they might cause someone else to be unhappy. Why is it OK for the mother to express the desire to keep the child with no regard for soma's happiness, but not OK for soma to express his desire to abort the child or put it up for adoption simply because the mother might be unhappy with those choices? It's not. He can't force the mother to abort or put the child up for adoption, so if she does do one of those things after discussing it with soma, it is her own responsibility to own those decisions. Don't go saddling soma with guilt for future possibilities that don't yet exist. He is responsible for his own choices, not hers, and if his choice would be to get rid of the baby in some way then he should not be forced to keep silent about what he wants for fear that she may not be happy with her own decision down the road.
(Sorry, soma, for talking about you as if you're not here.)