Quote:
Originally Posted by soma
So, this girl I've been dating for a while now is pregnant (go me!).
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What is with the "go me!" if this is such a displeasure for you why congratulate yourself for the fact that a woman whom you don't really seem to care for beyond a nut dump is pregnant by you.... what does it prove, that you can make a baby. The real question is can you be a man about it and accept the responsibility of your actions. Life is not always the ride we dream it will be but if you look around and try to enjoy the ride your on you may find it is even better than you thought it could be. Man up to your parents, apparently you have some feelings for this girl and whether your parents accept her or not is truly the least of your problems, they will die one day and if you are living for them, then they really didn't do the job they should have. If you wait until you are financially capable to conceive you may end up fatherless, for now you must face this unplanned surprise, if she aborts or not will only alleviate the momentary issue, whether you will take the reigns on this horse of your life is the real question, twenty years from now you will still be a father, of either a dead conglomeration of cells that amounted to nothing or a 20 year old human who will bear some resemblance of you and hopefully respect you more than you respect yourself right now and who if in the same situation as you are right now recognizes the choices they have, just the fact that she is in college says something.
If she decides to keep it and you do decide to participate in a life together (why not, if the baby is yours, why the hell not try, you don’t have to get married, you don’t have to sign your name to the papers yet, on the contrary if no funds are available, you two need to allow her to take the responsibility of the financial burden (depending on where you live, unmarried mothers, especially students, receive reduced to free care for childbirth and early child development) and the ability to receive food stamps, WIC, etc… this is the price she pays for not protecting herself, that and the whole Mother thing, secondary you will need to support the child, period, unless it is not yours but you have already stated that you believe it is. Still she will get more help as a single mother right now and I think this should be part of her commitment to the baby and in a sense her willingness to support you finishing college and getting the job, then when the baby is a bit older she can finish her education, she will need to quit school and get a job, you will need to finish school and hold down a job -always- It is nice to be young with your children, struggle builds character and if you allow it, closeness of family and value of more than that which is monetary. It is true, if she desires to keep this baby it is she who will do the lions' share of the child rearing, and you will only foot half the bill, it's not like mom's and their jobs, or our taxes don't pay for at least half. (go you!) well you did Soma, the question now is can you go the distant and when or if you do then you can truly say, GO ME! until then, just because you can father a child, damn sure doesn't make you a dad.
p.s. katyg, it still amazes me how fast the word abortion gets thrown into the mix of responsibility as though aborting the conglomeration of cells is just as simple as throwing away a piece of paper, but the reality is that piece of paper was a story in the making and we ended the book before it began but the chapter remains within “our” book and always feels empty, pages of emptiness that never seem to be filled with anything except regret. Even though we convince ourselves we did the right thing and that at the time we did exactly what we knew was the best for all involved, it doesn’t change the fact that those pages will always be empty in the book of “our” lives, for men it seems however, they don’t carry the same emptiness we do, they don’t understand the unwritten words that are written in our minds over and over again, the what ifs, the could have beens, the did I do the right thing, the justifications, the reality of the experience is ours to bear, the burden of birth or lack thereof still seems to linger in our minds, and the biggest worry on this thread seems to be “what will my parents think” and “how can I afford this” not the reality of lives changed simply in the effort of living. I am amazed at the moments of reality that seem to pass people by with little more meaning than what it will cost my wallet or my appearance as opposed to how it will alter my reality of LIFE, if I had had the baby it would be 21 this winter, IF, If, if. I wonder if he even remembers my name. I sure as hell remember his, I remember every single moment of every single moment, it costs me a lot more than a college education to remember, a lot more than the respect of my mother (who was disgusted for years at me for my decision), but he’s not paying for anything, I am and it still costs me today just currency of heart and mind, and a good therapist and learning to just go with the flow “chart” of life that doesn’t always end in definitives that are all squared away and neat or easy to follow but lead me to happiness none the less.
Man up Soma, either way, don’t let her go through this alone, she sure as hell didn’t get there that way. Peace be with you and her. Good luck and God Bless.