genuinegirly

I have a difficult time understanding the mentality that goes into being immediately at peace with any unplanned pregnancy. I wonder if in fact it was not entirely unplanned on her part.

Her Parents:
You've mentioned that they're unstable. Are you anticipating little to no help and support in this matter?

Your Parents:
Is the main thing holding you back from loving this woman your parents' disapproval? The prospect of a grandchild in their near future might provide them with enough of a catalyst to result in a critical change of heart. Maybe not, but it's possible that your parents only need to see a working, loving interracial relationship.

Finances:
Presumably when she accepted the student loans she had every intention of paying them off. For some, they take this on knowingly as a lifetime burden so they can study and practice their area of passion. Hopefully she has every intention of working her bum off when she is finished with school so she can eventually pay off those debts. If her debt is entirely in student loans, you have much less to worry about than you may think. It's usually a good way to build credit, and generally involve low or no interest rates. If you dive into her finances you may find that you're much better off than you anticipate. On the other hand, if she chose to pay for school with credit card debt (no joke, I've met someone who did this) then you might just be up a creek.

During the pregnancy, many women are unable to think clearly. You may want to use this as an opportunity to ask her permission to take over paying her bills, and in the process glance at her finances and to see if they're salvagable.

Since you are personally in school and presumably living off a stipend-income at best, you won't be able to support her the way she apparently dreams you can. Provide her with emotional support, and make sure that your child is in a healthy environment, but make it clear that everything is for your child. You may want to look into the support programs that are available in your area to young single moms. Check non-profits and local churches, too. Assure her comfort from outside sources as much as possible, this will relieve your stress as well as your financial burden.

She may attempt to pursuade you to marry her before the child is born. You don't seem ready for that kind of a commitment. Rather than promise her a lifetime that you're not sure you want to give, encourage her to be a single mother for at least a year. If an undying love and partnership develops from the birth of this child, then you can plan that wedding, knowing that you're confident with your decision.

Her Mental Health
On a similar note, she may not be able to keep up in school. She may not feel motivated to go back to school after the child is born. Do not take this as a shift in ethics or some sort of religious preference, but please see it as it truly is - a plea for help and a sign of post-partum depression. Please do her and yourself a favor by encouraging her to resume some semblance of a motivated happy life after the baby is born. Do not let that child suck away her life and consume all of her thoughts. I've seen far too many young women fall into this trap and wind up hopelessly lost, with regrets about not finishing their education, with their only achievement being their healthy children. Having a baby is not her free pass to your lifelong assistance - especially since she took out those student loans - she needs to finish her degree and find a healthy line of work, which will be mentally stimulating as well as financially rewarding.


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Any way you look at it, you're in for a hell of a ride, Soma. Good luck to you.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy