Idyllic

Who's worrying? (and I love the way they cover their asses with the whole probably, why not just say, "There is no God" and be done with it, maybe there is the worry.... make me laugh)

What meaning did you or have you found so far in life that those who do believe in an afterlife or a god have not? (I really would like to know, enlighten me, seriously I am not asking this in a smart ass manner) Do you know the meaning of life? What do you think the meaning of life is? I recognize you as a learned man, a book educated and very well read man so I ask these questions with a curious mind as you may know things I could use to help my travels in this life.

How can you be so certain you won't find any answers in death? (just asking)

---------- Post added at 06:10 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:58 PM ----------

You know Leto, I just don’t know, maybe the rainbow bridge will begin my journey (it helped when my 17 year old cat died to think he will be there waiting for me, no longer suffering, young and healthy the way I remember him) and the thought of reuniting with my grandparents who suffered physically later in life and died (I watched my grandmother take her last breath, fighting to live), and my cousin David who was killed in a car accident at 16, whose life was far to short, and His father (my beloved uncle) who died from colon cancer after years of suffering his sons loss. Maybe all my loved ones await me in heaven, or jannah, or samsara, or tian, or a loka, maybe simply nirvana….. whose to say, whose been there to tell me that is does or does not exist…..?

I just know that by living my life with the thought that when I finally bid farewell to my last breath I will rest with the now knowledge of simply being no longer in pain, and being with those I loved, gives me peace and fills my heart with something I just can’t explain. Experiencing my world through this empathetic nature that I seem to exist within requires something to look forward to other than just the seconds, and minutes, and hours, and days, and years that tick by, I don’t need a “God,” (however I do choose to believe in a oneness of human experience, I guess at times I call it a “God” if you will) I don’t need a religion with all its rules (however, I do believe that Jesus gave humankind a new perspective on faith that had not been experienced before and sacrificed himself in the name of “a freer form of love” so I respect him greatly), what I need is a – my own - “personal reality” softer then the one I experience now (call it my afterlife) and that gives me a daily peace which helps me survive this world of suffering for my family and for myself, and wear that “happy face,” (because as I have said elsewhere, sorrow is cheap and contagious) until I can finally rest.

Many times I actually experience that happiness, deep and pervasive, feelings of joy that lifts me both emotionally and sensationally physical and it is in those moments I realize the gift I have been given in just in the simple blessing of experiencing life, those ah ha moments when I say to myself, this is what it is all for, like the birth of my sons, or a breath taking sunset, or a hug from my mom, or the smell of a wild rose, or the sound of a rattlers tail warning you of danger, or that song that reminds me of my first love, or la petit mort. I have noticed with age that the more I recognize them the more even the smallest experiences bring the reality of just how sensational living really is and the “happy face” becomes easier to wear, less of a mask and more of a make up.

In death, I believe, I will be where I can rest without worry, without the knowledge of all the lives that I have and still do see suffering around me and those I don’t even know of but can feel somehow as I consistently wish the human race the same happiness, the same peace of a reality after death, as beautiful as life can be, for me, because living without the thought of one day resting in peace with love is just to much for me to handle. I recognize this could all be just my pipedream, but I like the smoky haze that fills my eyes, to me it seems clearer than a cloudless day (this isn’t just high thinking, not now). I WANT there to be a place where I can hold my loved ones and not feel their pain, where I can breath without the worry when “Murphy” will arrive and hand me the despair card, for myself preferably over somebody I love, you see, Murphy has been my lover for all my life, I have grown accustomed to his company. I feel the pain, I feel suffering, be it humans animals or others, I feel pain intensely, especially suffering pain, it physically devastates me to see or hear of others suffering. Just the realty of living my own life is eased with the vision of death that brings together all that is good about living, I just seem to feel to much of life’s pain sometimes and it becomes overwhelmingly heavy, too heavy to carry on and I get lost in attempting to understand why everyone does not feel the pain of others too (as intensely as I do). I always thought empathy was inherent in the nature of mankind, it has become even more painful to recognize just how much humans don’t experience each others pain, it frightens me at times, but all I can think is that IS the direction we are moving in, that one day we will ALL be able to realize the pain that our actions can create in others and that ownership of others pain is even doubly painful.

I grow tired of life’s pain so often that it just seems like a nicer world to live in where I can believe that one day I will experience something akin to floating without thinking at all, where I am surrounded by the soft waves of buoyant bliss in a sunset of no worries and a sensation of oneness with all that is nature and its cyclic abundance that creates the evolution of human existence. When I think of the world, when I think of life I picture a massive unending carousel where people simply hop on and off and then travel to other parts of the park for amusements thrill, it just makes the price of admission all that much better when I believe my friends and family are simply in another line waiting for me to join them and experience that ride too. Funnel cakes and cotton candy and children laughing, young lovers holding hands, married couples holding each other and old people sitting closely on the benches remembering when, just remembering when. Yeah, I believe there is more, I believe there is a lot more than just this short life…… why not?

Where do you think you go when you die Leto, the ground just seems like an answer that empties the park of the day’s memories, imho, but I know there are many who just don’t need to believe in an “afterlife” I’ve tried that route and it just left my life feeling so empty so I figured who is it hurting to believe there really may be more?

Oh and if you were talking literally where did he go, his ashes are in a little plastic bag, in a cheap white plastic box placed inside the pretty red box I carried his carcass to the crematorium in. His ashes are right next to my bed, creepy huh? (but his life is living in my heart, so deeply entrenched as to feel alive at times, moments where I can hear his meow and smell his cedar fur, but I could say the same about all the ones I have loved who are not with me, at times I can feel their hearts in mine, can sense their love and presence in a way that I cannot explain but just know they are still a part of me, creepier still, I know…..)

p.s. Have just now cracked that first beer so this was sober fingered, go figure?

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.