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OK...enough hiding behind some mask...
I spoke with both my immediate supervisor (who I'm fortunate enough to call a friend) and my wife last night. I made a commitment to go to the hospital today. I still want to die, I just can't do that to the kids. Having some form of a moral compass is both a blessing and a curse.
I'm afraid for my children, I'm afraid for my wife. I'm scared that I am so close to the edge that the next time I explode I won't be able to stop myself. The last few days have scared the shit out me. I'm losing my mind, I'm rapidly losing what little control I have over myself. My wife and children are terrified to be in the same building as me, and I think they should be afraid.
I don't see anything on the other side. I know there must be, because I know that not everyone feels this way.
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