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This is the number for the suicide prevention lifeline in the US 1-800-273-8255.
Put the gun down and call them now, you need to talk to someone because you obviously don't really want to do this. If you did, you would have done it instead of asking us for help. Whatever made you pause and think "I should tell TFP about this" instead of just doing it is what you need to focus on right now because it's what matters to you.
I'll bet it's your wife and kids. You care about them and you're angry at yourself for hurting them. I can tell you right now from losing a friend that even if it's the easy way out for you or you think it's the only way out, suicide is the easiest way to hurt those who care about you to the greatest degree possible. If you've been here for any amount of time (and I'd imagine you have been since you're coming to us for help) you know that I'm a loud, obnoxious, sarcastic tough guy, but right now, ten years after losing my friend Adam, I can't hold back the tears thinking about it. If that's how I'm reacting a decade later, imagine what his family goes through.
You're at this low point in your life because you're so upset that you hurt people you love to the point that they left. If you can't put the gun down and ask for help for your own sake, do so because you can't bear to hurt the people you love, and who love you, any more.
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