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I hate to be the nag (seeing as how this was undoubtedly not easy to post in the first place) - but have you scheduled a doctor's appointment yet? There's a certain level of value having random internet strangers give you advice and condolences but its a diminishing return if you don't take a step on your problem.
From your descriptions, it sounds like this ails you greatly and you'd do just about anything to resolve it. It might benefit you more to match our contributions with a step of your own.
A journey of a 1000 miles begins with a first step.
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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel
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