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oliver9184 · 05-24-2010, 08:52 AM

The Wicker Man - 2006 version - 5/10 isn't a complete failure as some have suggested. There seems to be a contingent of the otherwise film-savvy public that seizes any opportunity to slate Nicolas Cage. It's almost as if people don't think that, after more than 20 years as a leading man, he's yet proved himself a credible talent on his own merits as opposed to his useful Hollywood family connections that surely helped him to start off with but that are now academic. Time and time again, throughout the 90s and beyond, he has succcessfully carried pictures large and small, usual and unusual. He's undeniably a star - one who's not afraid to push himself and take risks; that's why he gets the benefit of the doubt re: dodgy stuff like this Wicker Man remake. The film is not good. Some parts are unintentionally hilarious when they should be frightening and some bits are downright shit. Things like that are only apparent when the film's in the can and it's too late; and it's clear that Cage thinks he's doing, and is really trying to do good strong work here. He's hung out to dry by a silly script and a misguided approach to the whole thing. Even though this is a remake of a horror classic, there were ways to make it less mad than this: Cage and the movie have been accidentally sabotaged by a very poorly thought-out narrative full of ridiculous incident handled with such po-faced gravity that it's mostly a fun ride and the hundred minutes go by faster than you expect.

The Incredible Melting Man 4/10. I've decided not to watch any more nasties, or old and probably shit horror films until I'm next a) unemployed or b) imprisoned. Life is too short to waste time on this nonsense if seven or eight hours of the day are already taken up by real-life, mandatory nonsense (work). The Incredible Melting Man is about an astronaut who is exposed to the rays of Saturn's rings during a normal space flight somewhere (or something). Upon returning to earth he starts to melt. He also has got super-strength powers. For more than an hour he blunders about damaging and killing people pretty much by accident, and roaring. The fact that he melts seems completely unrelated to the fact that he's a murderer. The victims don't melt or turn into anything - they just die. When the man's not about (which is for a LOT of the time) the film turns to broad, bad, old-fashioned comedy to fill the down time. Some kids practice smoking then play hide and seek. A leering pervert-photographer tries to grope his nubile model. Old couple Harold and Helen try to steal lemons at night. The end is an anticlimax, even though more deaths happen, which tries to rip off Night of the Living Dead and reminded me of the location for the splendid climax to White Heat ("Made it, Ma! Top of the world!"). The very, VERY end however, which has the Incedible Melting Man scooped up and dumped in a bin by an unwitting janitor, who just thinks he's mess on the pavement, did bring a wan smile to my face - but that was partly because I knew the film was ending.

Appaloosa 8/10 is a good-looking, and good generally, western with Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen - who are partners in this despite what the poster implies, with them facing off as if they're about to do a duel. Their enemy is Jeremy Irons and the bit of tail that's highly likely to get in the way, cause some friction or be kidnapped is Renee Zellweger - whose unattractiveness fits the period perfectly, because almost all Wild West women in real life were mangy dogs like her. This is a western with all the elements that make the genre great - a nasty rancher, rock-hard lawmen, endless expendable baddies, a train, hostiles, a Wild West touring judge, gun battles, saloon standoffs and loads more. When things could scarcely get any better they do, when Lance Henriksen shows up half way through! Has Ed Harris done westerns before? I can't think of one but he acts like he's been doing them his whole life- and he co-wrote and directed this too! Mortensen is fine as always, and frequently amusing, as the mild-mannered sidekick, but his unconvincing facial hair can be distracting.

The Cat Returns 7/10 is a charming and slightly infantile, and very fantastical, Studio Ghibli animation in which a girl, Haru (Anne Hathaway), gets involved with some cats and has some adventures in their land. The cats' political situation is not straighforward: there are cats both inside and outside of the "Kingdom of Cats". Before long the Kingdom cats try to take Haru Kingdom-side via the cat equivalent of extraordinary rendition because, apparently, the Cat Prince wants to marry her. But what's this? The Cat Prince is actually away (at war I think) and his father the at-first cool Cat King (voiced by Tim Curry) tries to cause trouble in ways I've forgot now. Cary Elwes, Peter Boyle and a camp Elliott Gould provide supporting voices in the English dub.

Martyrs 8/10 is a French horror from 2008 and it's a very VERY tough watch. I had thought that Inside was pushing things like this about as far as they were ever likely to go; Martyrs moves the goalposts sufficiently that the former now seems like a bit of harmless throwaway fun. As a genre generally horror seems synonymous with fun and a lack of solemnity is often expected. Scary but unreal thrills, black humour, heightened and/or unreal situations and characters, and comic relief are staples. Martyrs chucks all that in the bin and manages to be thrilling, exciting, scary, compelling, nasty in a new and transgressive way and truly, really, horrific - without any irony. It never underestimates the audience, the narrative is unpredictable throughout, it never cheats, and no punches are pulled and the audience is never EVER given any time or space in which to feel safe, or catch their breath. It's definately a contender for that "too painful to watch twice" list.

The Informant! 6/10 was not as funny as I had hoped after seeing the trailer. Of course Matt Damon was good and it's always a pleasure to watch him but the Soderbergh style and the stupid music grated. This reminded me a lot of Shattered Glass, in which Hayden Christensen was the man trapped in a web of his own lies, and which was a better-told tale than this.

Some more that I watched this past month but don't want to/don't know what to write about:

Bruno 7/10
Poison Ivy 6/10
Cemetery Junction 9/10
Away We Go 6/10
Milk 8/10
Flightplan 7/10
The Mummy 6/10
Hud 8/10

05-24-2010, 08:52 AM	#3844 (permalink)
oliver9184 Psycho	The Wicker Man - 2006 version - 5/10 isn't a complete failure as some have suggested. There seems to be a contingent of the otherwise film-savvy public that seizes any opportunity to slate Nicolas Cage. It's almost as if people don't think that, after more than 20 years as a leading man, he's yet proved himself a credible talent on his own merits as opposed to his useful Hollywood family connections that surely helped him to start off with but that are now academic. Time and time again, throughout the 90s and beyond, he has succcessfully carried pictures large and small, usual and unusual. He's undeniably a star - one who's not afraid to push himself and take risks; that's why he gets the benefit of the doubt re: dodgy stuff like this Wicker Man remake. The film is not good. Some parts are unintentionally hilarious when they should be frightening and some bits are downright shit. Things like that are only apparent when the film's in the can and it's too late; and it's clear that Cage thinks he's doing, and is really trying to do good strong work here. He's hung out to dry by a silly script and a misguided approach to the whole thing. Even though this is a remake of a horror classic, there were ways to make it less mad than this: Cage and the movie have been accidentally sabotaged by a very poorly thought-out narrative full of ridiculous incident handled with such po-faced gravity that it's mostly a fun ride and the hundred minutes go by faster than you expect. The Incredible Melting Man 4/10. I've decided not to watch any more nasties, or old and probably shit horror films until I'm next a) unemployed or b) imprisoned. Life is too short to waste time on this nonsense if seven or eight hours of the day are already taken up by real-life, mandatory nonsense (work). The Incredible Melting Man is about an astronaut who is exposed to the rays of Saturn's rings during a normal space flight somewhere (or something). Upon returning to earth he starts to melt. He also has got super-strength powers. For more than an hour he blunders about damaging and killing people pretty much by accident, and roaring. The fact that he melts seems completely unrelated to the fact that he's a murderer. The victims don't melt or turn into anything - they just die. When the man's not about (which is for a LOT of the time) the film turns to broad, bad, old-fashioned comedy to fill the down time. Some kids practice smoking then play hide and seek. A leering pervert-photographer tries to grope his nubile model. Old couple Harold and Helen try to steal lemons at night. The end is an anticlimax, even though more deaths happen, which tries to rip off Night of the Living Dead and reminded me of the location for the splendid climax to White Heat ("Made it, Ma! Top of the world!"). The very, VERY end however, which has the Incedible Melting Man scooped up and dumped in a bin by an unwitting janitor, who just thinks he's mess on the pavement, did bring a wan smile to my face - but that was partly because I knew the film was ending. Appaloosa 8/10 is a good-looking, and good generally, western with Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen - who are partners in this despite what the poster implies, with them facing off as if they're about to do a duel. Their enemy is Jeremy Irons and the bit of tail that's highly likely to get in the way, cause some friction or be kidnapped is Renee Zellweger - whose unattractiveness fits the period perfectly, because almost all Wild West women in real life were mangy dogs like her. This is a western with all the elements that make the genre great - a nasty rancher, rock-hard lawmen, endless expendable baddies, a train, hostiles, a Wild West touring judge, gun battles, saloon standoffs and loads more. When things could scarcely get any better they do, when Lance Henriksen shows up half way through! Has Ed Harris done westerns before? I can't think of one but he acts like he's been doing them his whole life- and he co-wrote and directed this too! Mortensen is fine as always, and frequently amusing, as the mild-mannered sidekick, but his unconvincing facial hair can be distracting. The Cat Returns 7/10 is a charming and slightly infantile, and very fantastical, Studio Ghibli animation in which a girl, Haru (Anne Hathaway), gets involved with some cats and has some adventures in their land. The cats' political situation is not straighforward: there are cats both inside and outside of the "Kingdom of Cats". Before long the Kingdom cats try to take Haru Kingdom-side via the cat equivalent of extraordinary rendition because, apparently, the Cat Prince wants to marry her. But what's this? The Cat Prince is actually away (at war I think) and his father the at-first cool Cat King (voiced by Tim Curry) tries to cause trouble in ways I've forgot now. Cary Elwes, Peter Boyle and a camp Elliott Gould provide supporting voices in the English dub. Martyrs 8/10 is a French horror from 2008 and it's a very VERY tough watch. I had thought that Inside was pushing things like this about as far as they were ever likely to go; Martyrs moves the goalposts sufficiently that the former now seems like a bit of harmless throwaway fun. As a genre generally horror seems synonymous with fun and a lack of solemnity is often expected. Scary but unreal thrills, black humour, heightened and/or unreal situations and characters, and comic relief are staples. Martyrs chucks all that in the bin and manages to be thrilling, exciting, scary, compelling, nasty in a new and transgressive way and truly, really, horrific - without any irony. It never underestimates the audience, the narrative is unpredictable throughout, it never cheats, and no punches are pulled and the audience is never EVER given any time or space in which to feel safe, or catch their breath. It's definately a contender for that "too painful to watch twice" list. The Informant! 6/10 was not as funny as I had hoped after seeing the trailer. Of course Matt Damon was good and it's always a pleasure to watch him but the Soderbergh style and the stupid music grated. This reminded me a lot of Shattered Glass, in which Hayden Christensen was the man trapped in a web of his own lies, and which was a better-told tale than this. Some more that I watched this past month but don't want to/don't know what to write about: Bruno 7/10 Poison Ivy 6/10 Cemetery Junction 9/10 Away We Go 6/10 Milk 8/10 Flightplan 7/10 The Mummy 6/10 Hud 8/10