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Old 05-17-2010, 07:42 AM   #89 (permalink)
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I just spent most of the past hour flipflopping over making an appointment. I finally called and made one, but I think it nearly triggered a panic attack.

The appointment is in 12 days.
Here's an update for anyone who is interested.

I went to the doctor today and discussed my situation in a nutshell. He acknowledged that I've likely had untreated depression for years. Only now it's worse.

One point he made that I didn't realize is that he suggested now isn't a good time for major life changes because of my mood. This is a big part of my problem. I need to make life changes. The depression has been keeping me down. I guess I need to focus on getting better instead.

He suggested it's something I should take medication for. So he prescribed Effexor (venlafaxine). I'm to take it on a low dose for two weeks before going in for another appointment. I've never taken an antidepressant before. I've been opposed to them in the past, but I don't see much else for options. I can't afford therapy and nothing else seems to work.

What's more is now I know I should tell my SO about all this. I'm wondering how they will take it given I've hidden much of this for years. I wonder how much they already know but didn't want to confront me about.

This is going to be very difficult. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I don't talk to anyone about anything usually. I'm usually left to my own devices. I don't talk about feelings. Most of the time I don't even know if I have any or what they are.

Wish me luck.
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