This might belong more in Philosophy, but I'm gonna put it here anyhow.
My entire household are huge fans of Jonathan Coulton. If you don't know who he is, google him and remedy that immediately. The dude is brilliant. He wrote the closing song for Portal, he wrote "Code Monkey," and a 5-minute-long, very heartfelt cover of "Baby Got Back." His concerts are a microcosm of geekdom.
Anyhow, we just got the opportunity to see him in concert on Friday, and it was awesome.
Afterward (and let me preface this whole thing by saying I am an admitted over-thinker...if you are going to tell me I think too much, just stop reading now, or skip to the bold part) I really struggled with whether or not to hang out and wait for him to come out and sign autographs. Partly because it was late and I was tired, but partly because what would it really accomplish? I would 1) have an opportunity to tell him how great he is, and 2) get proof in the form of an autograph and/or photo that I got to stand next to him.
So...I sort of got to do the first - I turned into an incoherent giggling fangirl and really, you don't want to take up the guy's time by what, listing all the songs you love and why? The guy's tired and there are people in line behind you. And I got the 2nd:
That's Paul and Storm, the opening act and also incredibly funny performers, and Stellaluna and me and JoCo.
But ultimately it was a little disappointing and after a couple of days of kicking it around in my head, I think I figured out why. I think I just wanted to be noticed by this incredibly smart and talented person and distinguished somehow from the million other fans. And that's such a weird and unrealistic expectation.
I've never really been a "fan" before. I love Star Trek, but not enough to go to Cons. I respect many musicians, but I don't go to a lot of concerts.
So what is it that makes someone a "fan" and what do fans really want when they meet one of their idols? Are we indulging some fantasy that we'll get to be friends with this person? Is it just an opportunity to show your friends that you were actually there? Is it the opportunity to tell them in person how much you admire them?
In the end I think I've decided that since we live in a digital age I can write the guy an email and say what I didn't get to say while my brain was turning into mush standing there in front of him: you're awesome, thank you for writing music that speaks to me.