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oliver9184 · 05-13-2010, 01:19 PM

to Honesty: did you watch pay per view Ondine online or via your TV? If online, can you give some details? Thanks.

The Mist 9/10 is an excellent modern horror with plenty of monsters, gore, scares, suspense and above-average acting. The story, which is both not what it seems and refreshingly simple and gimmick-free, comes from Stephen King and the film's directed by Frank Darabont who had previously seen success with the 1994 adaptation of King's story The Shawshank Redemption.

A River Runs Through It 6/10 is a pretty tedious early 90s family saga from Robert Redford and starring Brad Pitt. In that respect it's a little like Legends of the Fall, except no Anthony Hopkins doing big stroke acting, no Elliott from E.T. and no WWI sequence in which Pitt goes feral and manually kills a lot of enemies. Not much fun at all, in fact, and doesn't feel as epic as it should: even the funnest part of this film, which is the two brothers racing down rapids on a little boat, isn't a lot of fun.

Blindness 7/10 poses the question: what if everyone went blind for no reason? Then acts out the awful consequences in squeamish detail and total solemnity. Unluckily for us but perhaps luckily for everyone in the film, the ragtag band of blindies that the story is about features two of Hollywood's most prosaic and dullest actors, Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore. What a couple they make! Anything that comes out of either of their mouths sounds like the start of a lecture, and it often turns out to be just that, most often shittily moderated to make it sound like a suggestion instead. Mark Ruffalo's type, particularly in Blindness but elsewhere too, is the educated middle-class guy who definitely does think he's better than everyone else, despite huffy and dismissive protestations to the contrary. Snooty and and snide and sneering and so SMUG, always ready to stifle a laugh or a derisive smirk at all the stupid, little, ridiculous shitheels that surround him all day every day and don't use throwaway words like "etymologically" over breakfast (as he does in Blindness). Neither Ruffalo or his wife are capable of genuine humility or humour which could account for why this film's so dour why you're likely to side with the baddies for a while, and why the last quarter of the film feels so detached and unreal. The fact that this pair are probably more like what people might really be like in a situation like this as opposed to what characters are like in movies makes the film a gruelling experience but an unusually credible-feeling, Danny Glover and his little radio notwithstanding.

Four Christmases 6/10. Because of BS but necessary high-concept plot contrivances a young urban couple, Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, have to visit both of their fathers and mothers, all of whom live apart, on Christmas Day, when they (the couple) would prefer to be on holiday in Fiji, like they have been for the last three years. The fathers are Robert Duvall and Jon Voight and the mothers are Sissy Spacek and someone else. Slightly funny comedy, including slapstick, happens at each house. In between, the couple falls out over what they want from each other and the future. By the end, after Reese has been handling HUNDREDS of different infants throughout, and is exposed to A WHOLE CASTLE of them at one point, you can guess what happens. A one-idea seasonal comedy like this will rarely score very high and this isn't an exception (Bad Santa is all I can think of that is), but it isn't TOO bad - it's not Deck The Halls. Questions: Why does Reese look so haggard in this film? Watching her wasn't as pleasant as I expected. Why wasn't any comedy made about the ridiculous height difference between her and Vince except on the poster? Why did Jon Voight bother, for the sake of a couple of lines? Is he afraid we'll forget about him if he doesn't regularly pop up and pretend to try to act like he did in the old days? (We won't forget about you Jon!)

The Emperor's New Groove 9/10 is almost my favourite Disney animation even though I just saw it for the first time. If I enjoy it as much when I watch it again it's getting 10. It's the lightest and fastest-paced one I can remember with a simplified, stylized and somewhat abstracted geography consisting of just three elements (palace - village - jungle/river) in which all the action takes place. Much of the story is about getting from one place to another, characters' dialog and their motivations are concerned with places other than those they are in and this sort of setup makes for an addictively compelling yet easy-to-follow narrative. A young child could see this and get a lot of enjoyment out of it. The opposite of this can be seen in other fairly recent Disney features such as Atlantis: The Lost World, Treasure Planet and of course all three Pirates of the Caribbean films (all seven and three-quarter HOURS of it), in which there's an overblown quest with lots of locations and characters - all of whom have individual allegiances and motivations - which the audience is expected to remember, and care about. Nobody cares about that. They just want to see Johnny Depp saying funny stuff, Keira Knightley looking nice and Orlando Bloom being a dick. As POTC shows step by step how to do it WRONG, The Emperor's New Groove should serve as a touchstone for original Disney stories - animated or otherwise - of how to do it RIGHT.

05-13-2010, 01:19 PM	#3833 (permalink)
oliver9184 Psycho	to Honesty: did you watch pay per view Ondine online or via your TV? If online, can you give some details? Thanks. The Mist 9/10 is an excellent modern horror with plenty of monsters, gore, scares, suspense and above-average acting. The story, which is both not what it seems and refreshingly simple and gimmick-free, comes from Stephen King and the film's directed by Frank Darabont who had previously seen success with the 1994 adaptation of King's story The Shawshank Redemption. A River Runs Through It 6/10 is a pretty tedious early 90s family saga from Robert Redford and starring Brad Pitt. In that respect it's a little like Legends of the Fall, except no Anthony Hopkins doing big stroke acting, no Elliott from E.T. and no WWI sequence in which Pitt goes feral and manually kills a lot of enemies. Not much fun at all, in fact, and doesn't feel as epic as it should: even the funnest part of this film, which is the two brothers racing down rapids on a little boat, isn't a lot of fun. Blindness 7/10 poses the question: what if everyone went blind for no reason? Then acts out the awful consequences in squeamish detail and total solemnity. Unluckily for us but perhaps luckily for everyone in the film, the ragtag band of blindies that the story is about features two of Hollywood's most prosaic and dullest actors, Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore. What a couple they make! Anything that comes out of either of their mouths sounds like the start of a lecture, and it often turns out to be just that, most often shittily moderated to make it sound like a suggestion instead. Mark Ruffalo's type, particularly in Blindness but elsewhere too, is the educated middle-class guy who definitely does think he's better than everyone else, despite huffy and dismissive protestations to the contrary. Snooty and and snide and sneering and so SMUG, always ready to stifle a laugh or a derisive smirk at all the stupid, little, ridiculous shitheels that surround him all day every day and don't use throwaway words like "etymologically" over breakfast (as he does in Blindness). Neither Ruffalo or his wife are capable of genuine humility or humour which could account for why this film's so dour why you're likely to side with the baddies for a while, and why the last quarter of the film feels so detached and unreal. The fact that this pair are probably more like what people might really be like in a situation like this as opposed to what characters are like in movies makes the film a gruelling experience but an unusually credible-feeling, Danny Glover and his little radio notwithstanding. Four Christmases 6/10. Because of BS but necessary high-concept plot contrivances a young urban couple, Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, have to visit both of their fathers and mothers, all of whom live apart, on Christmas Day, when they (the couple) would prefer to be on holiday in Fiji, like they have been for the last three years. The fathers are Robert Duvall and Jon Voight and the mothers are Sissy Spacek and someone else. Slightly funny comedy, including slapstick, happens at each house. In between, the couple falls out over what they want from each other and the future. By the end, after Reese has been handling HUNDREDS of different infants throughout, and is exposed to A WHOLE CASTLE of them at one point, you can guess what happens. A one-idea seasonal comedy like this will rarely score very high and this isn't an exception (Bad Santa is all I can think of that is), but it isn't TOO bad - it's not Deck The Halls. Questions: Why does Reese look so haggard in this film? Watching her wasn't as pleasant as I expected. Why wasn't any comedy made about the ridiculous height difference between her and Vince except on the poster? Why did Jon Voight bother, for the sake of a couple of lines? Is he afraid we'll forget about him if he doesn't regularly pop up and pretend to try to act like he did in the old days? (We won't forget about you Jon!) The Emperor's New Groove 9/10 is almost my favourite Disney animation even though I just saw it for the first time. If I enjoy it as much when I watch it again it's getting 10. It's the lightest and fastest-paced one I can remember with a simplified, stylized and somewhat abstracted geography consisting of just three elements (palace - village - jungle/river) in which all the action takes place. Much of the story is about getting from one place to another, characters' dialog and their motivations are concerned with places other than those they are in and this sort of setup makes for an addictively compelling yet easy-to-follow narrative. A young child could see this and get a lot of enjoyment out of it. The opposite of this can be seen in other fairly recent Disney features such as Atlantis: The Lost World, Treasure Planet and of course all three Pirates of the Caribbean films (all seven and three-quarter HOURS of it), in which there's an overblown quest with lots of locations and characters - all of whom have individual allegiances and motivations - which the audience is expected to remember, and care about. Nobody cares about that. They just want to see Johnny Depp saying funny stuff, Keira Knightley looking nice and Orlando Bloom being a dick. As POTC shows step by step how to do it WRONG, The Emperor's New Groove should serve as a touchstone for original Disney stories - animated or otherwise - of how to do it RIGHT.