Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Anxiety, depression & addiction... oh my! The mental illness thread.

Salem · 05-12-2010, 05:06 PM

I'm actually pretty suprised I didn't see this earlier. I'm 19, well almost anyways. And I've been struggling with depression since.. well probably since day one but let's call it 11. That's when it started to get noticable. I had issues with my father growing up. He hated his job, took it out on the family. Never beat us or anything, except the one time he came home angry at nothing and gave my sister a spanking so hard she had welts, I guess you could count that, but we dont talk about it. When I was 12 I wrote a letter to my older friends counselor, whom she always raved about and loved, because I was having issues and she said, "Hey, maybe you should write to Jenn" So I did. Needless to say she contacted my school counselor, whi i wouldnt talk to. Then In highschool i talked to Jenn, and Toni, And eventally Nicole who they refered me to. Then I started cutting. Then I had to see Bev. I fucking hated Bev. So then I saw Joan, who refered my to Cheryl. They all concluded, Obviously you're depressed if you sit and stare at a wall all day, crying, spend your entire school day bouncing back and forth from counselors because you can't sit in class and concentrate without bawling your eyes out. AND you've started cutting.

I should say, I've been doing some self injury for as long as I can remember. I pick at the skin on my thumbs and fingers, mostly for habbit but it gets terribly bad when im upset. I've lost fingerprints before, which no, does not feel nice. It just escaladed to cutting.

So I was prescribed Effexor, which made me crazy. Then Celexa, which i cant remember much off cause i took myself off of it after 2 months, cold turkey, and moved out of town to go to university. I stayed off meds that year, quit cutting, then last summer I got onto citalopram, then switched to cipralex, then got onto cymbalta.

Now I'm off my meds. Which by the way, cymbalta withdrawls fuckign suck. It's been over a MONTH since I stopped taking them and I'm still getting the brain zaps, and headaches, and im exhausted, and naseaus, and.. ugh.. It's not cool. Anyways, in novemeber it'll be 2 years since I cut. Im trying VERY hard to live my life for me and just deal with things the day-by day approach, and try to live without all the pills. I still have counsellors of course, they're my hero's no doubt. But I'm trying to get away from the medical side of my depression.

So here's the short breakdown:

PILLS:
Effexor,
Celexa
Cipralex
Citalopram
Cymbalta

DIAGNOSIS:
Depression
General Anxiety Disorder
(Potnetial) Borderline Personality Disprder, (It was talked about, but it may have only been a side effect of the withdrawl from one of my meds that made me that numb and confused)

ADDICTIONS:
Counselling, If that's possible(longer story)
Cutting.

05-12-2010, 05:06 PM	#86 (permalink)
Salem Psycho Location: Canada	I'm actually pretty suprised I didn't see this earlier. I'm 19, well almost anyways. And I've been struggling with depression since.. well probably since day one but let's call it 11. That's when it started to get noticable. I had issues with my father growing up. He hated his job, took it out on the family. Never beat us or anything, except the one time he came home angry at nothing and gave my sister a spanking so hard she had welts, I guess you could count that, but we dont talk about it. When I was 12 I wrote a letter to my older friends counselor, whom she always raved about and loved, because I was having issues and she said, "Hey, maybe you should write to Jenn" So I did. Needless to say she contacted my school counselor, whi i wouldnt talk to. Then In highschool i talked to Jenn, and Toni, And eventally Nicole who they refered me to. Then I started cutting. Then I had to see Bev. I fucking hated Bev. So then I saw Joan, who refered my to Cheryl. They all concluded, Obviously you're depressed if you sit and stare at a wall all day, crying, spend your entire school day bouncing back and forth from counselors because you can't sit in class and concentrate without bawling your eyes out. AND you've started cutting. I should say, I've been doing some self injury for as long as I can remember. I pick at the skin on my thumbs and fingers, mostly for habbit but it gets terribly bad when im upset. I've lost fingerprints before, which no, does not feel nice. It just escaladed to cutting. So I was prescribed Effexor, which made me crazy. Then Celexa, which i cant remember much off cause i took myself off of it after 2 months, cold turkey, and moved out of town to go to university. I stayed off meds that year, quit cutting, then last summer I got onto citalopram, then switched to cipralex, then got onto cymbalta. Now I'm off my meds. Which by the way, cymbalta withdrawls fuckign suck. It's been over a MONTH since I stopped taking them and I'm still getting the brain zaps, and headaches, and im exhausted, and naseaus, and.. ugh.. It's not cool. Anyways, in novemeber it'll be 2 years since I cut. Im trying VERY hard to live my life for me and just deal with things the day-by day approach, and try to live without all the pills. I still have counsellors of course, they're my hero's no doubt. But I'm trying to get away from the medical side of my depression. So here's the short breakdown: PILLS: Effexor, Celexa Cipralex Citalopram Cymbalta DIAGNOSIS: Depression General Anxiety Disorder (Potnetial) Borderline Personality Disprder, (It was talked about, but it may have only been a side effect of the withdrawl from one of my meds that made me that numb and confused) ADDICTIONS: Counselling, If that's possible(longer story) Cutting.