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oliver9184 · 05-07-2010, 12:57 PM

Mystic River 8/10 is a solid crime/mystery drama full of top actors doing very good work. Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, Marcia Gay Harden and Laura Linney all do unspectacular but rock-solid acting leaving the histrionics and granstanding to Tim Robbins and Sean Penn, who won best lead and best supporting Oscars respectively. The story's compelling if somewhat contrived; thankfully director Clint Eastwood managed to steer clear of the trite sentimentality he's often prone to indulging in.

The Beyond 4/10 - video nasty #11. I'm slowly coming to realise that most of the video nasties, especially the Italian ones, are pieces of shit. The Beyond is fairly standard Lovecraft-inspired zombie horror from Lucio Fulci who had previously made the best zombie film so far, another nasty called Zombie Flesheaters (in which you see a zombie fight a shark - for real. Not a real zombie but an actual real-life, alive shark) so I had reasonable hopes for this film. They were dashed within minutes: it's extremely tedious and the effects are utterly appalling. You haven't ever seen tarantulas eat a man's face so badly as here.

Inside 8/10 would have definately been a nasty if the BBFC hadn't lightened up. It's a French horror from 2007 in which a deranged woman tries to steal a pregnant woman's almost-born baby right out of her stomach. This isn't for the feint-hearted. The blood-letting on display here is copious, very convincing and shown in great, lingering, close-up detail. People die more horribly in this film than anything else I can immediately bring to mind, though the tone is slightly lighter than something like Hostel and the context isn't as wretched so (for me as least) it wasn't QUITE as hard to watch.

Blood Feast 3/10 is video nasty #12, made in 1963 apparently on a budget of less than twenty five thousand dollars. I can believe that. It's more of a joke than a proper film, even if it supposedly was the first ever splatter (not slasher) film. Look to Night of the Living Dead for how to make a good, frightening horror film (and kickstart a genre for that matter), not this awful, crass waste of time.

Back to the Future Part III 10/10 does absolutely EVERYTHING exactly right. If BTTFPII was as good as this and the first, this would be the best film trilogy going; as it is it comes a close second to the Godfather trilogy. As ever there's huge lapses of reason and logic and, I guess, time travel but if you care about all that perhaps you should watch Primer instead.

Toy Story 2 8/10 is a lot of fun - more so than the first probably, since the little bastard Andy isn't in it as much. New character Jessie is almost as irritating as Woody but Woody himself doesn't seem as bad away from all the other (better) toys who are, in this sequel, trying to rescue him. Their adventures on the street, in Al's Toy Barn and so on are easily the best thing about this film. I'm looking forward to Toy Story 3 but I can't think how it's going to end, unless lots of time passes and Andy (the college-age Andy seems much more tolerable) ages and ends up passing all the toys onto his grandkids. That's the only feasible "out" I can envisage for the franchise but somehow it doesn't seem likely.

Bay of Blood 4/10: nasty #13. Italian. Was supposed to be an important influence to the slasher (not splatter) genre, particularly Friday the 13th. The resemblance is duly noted, as is the fact that both films feel like the opposite of entertainment (which is a CHORE or even a PUNISHMENT) to a modern audience.

Anywhere But Here 6/10 seemed like it was going to be a female equivalent to This Boy's Life at first but it was not to be. It's similar to that brilliant film only in that it's a coming of age story in which a mother and child make a road trip across America. In This Boy's Life it was Ellen Barkin and Leonardo DiCaprio who ended up in Concrete, Washington; in Anywhere But Here it's Susan Sarandon and Natalie Portman ending up in Los Angeles. It's a film clearly aimed at simple-minded and easily pleased females; anyone else won't get much out of this at all.

Mutant 3/10 is another shitty horror film that wasn't even a nasty. Two brothers on a road trip get lost and waylaid by rednecks and then... I guess a monster kills some people, probably. NEXT!

How to Train Your Dragon 9/10 - whoever said this is for adults as well as children is bang right. It's exhilerating as well as endearing, and never patronising. No surprise that the guys responsible also did the most surprisingly good Disney animation of recent years, Lilo & Stitch, and you can see the same distinct stylings in the design of the slick black Night Fury dragon. This is the best of the non-Pixar CG animations by a long way.

Naked Lunch ?/10 is one of those WTF (What The Fuck) films. The main guy is Robocop before he got killed doing some bewildered, very reserved and quiet yet effective acting. Amity Chief of Police Martin Brody (Roy Scheider) cameos as an urbane drug dealer of crazy pretend drugs made out of massive insects. It's the 1950s and somehow, for some reason, the setting shifts to Morocco. Ian Holm shows up and somehow, for some reason talks different words to those that his mouth is saying. Typewriters attack and kill other typewriters. Everything is very sombre and serious and everyone acts like they're in a dour film noir. After about 40 minutes it became absolutely impenetrable. I wish I could have got into it better than I did; I'm really glad that there are films like this and minds capable of making them, and I only wish I could understand and enjoy them more than I'm currently able to.

05-07-2010, 12:57 PM	#3820 (permalink)
oliver9184 Psycho	Mystic River 8/10 is a solid crime/mystery drama full of top actors doing very good work. Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, Marcia Gay Harden and Laura Linney all do unspectacular but rock-solid acting leaving the histrionics and granstanding to Tim Robbins and Sean Penn, who won best lead and best supporting Oscars respectively. The story's compelling if somewhat contrived; thankfully director Clint Eastwood managed to steer clear of the trite sentimentality he's often prone to indulging in. The Beyond 4/10 - video nasty #11. I'm slowly coming to realise that most of the video nasties, especially the Italian ones, are pieces of shit. The Beyond is fairly standard Lovecraft-inspired zombie horror from Lucio Fulci who had previously made the best zombie film so far, another nasty called Zombie Flesheaters (in which you see a zombie fight a shark - for real. Not a real zombie but an actual real-life, alive shark) so I had reasonable hopes for this film. They were dashed within minutes: it's extremely tedious and the effects are utterly appalling. You haven't ever seen tarantulas eat a man's face so badly as here. Inside 8/10 would have definately been a nasty if the BBFC hadn't lightened up. It's a French horror from 2007 in which a deranged woman tries to steal a pregnant woman's almost-born baby right out of her stomach. This isn't for the feint-hearted. The blood-letting on display here is copious, very convincing and shown in great, lingering, close-up detail. People die more horribly in this film than anything else I can immediately bring to mind, though the tone is slightly lighter than something like Hostel and the context isn't as wretched so (for me as least) it wasn't QUITE as hard to watch. Blood Feast 3/10 is video nasty #12, made in 1963 apparently on a budget of less than twenty five thousand dollars. I can believe that. It's more of a joke than a proper film, even if it supposedly was the first ever splatter (not slasher) film. Look to Night of the Living Dead for how to make a good, frightening horror film (and kickstart a genre for that matter), not this awful, crass waste of time. Back to the Future Part III 10/10 does absolutely EVERYTHING exactly right. If BTTFPII was as good as this and the first, this would be the best film trilogy going; as it is it comes a close second to the Godfather trilogy. As ever there's huge lapses of reason and logic and, I guess, time travel but if you care about all that perhaps you should watch Primer instead. Toy Story 2 8/10 is a lot of fun - more so than the first probably, since the little bastard Andy isn't in it as much. New character Jessie is almost as irritating as Woody but Woody himself doesn't seem as bad away from all the other (better) toys who are, in this sequel, trying to rescue him. Their adventures on the street, in Al's Toy Barn and so on are easily the best thing about this film. I'm looking forward to Toy Story 3 but I can't think how it's going to end, unless lots of time passes and Andy (the college-age Andy seems much more tolerable) ages and ends up passing all the toys onto his grandkids. That's the only feasible "out" I can envisage for the franchise but somehow it doesn't seem likely. Bay of Blood 4/10: nasty #13. Italian. Was supposed to be an important influence to the slasher (not splatter) genre, particularly Friday the 13th. The resemblance is duly noted, as is the fact that both films feel like the opposite of entertainment (which is a CHORE or even a PUNISHMENT) to a modern audience. Anywhere But Here 6/10 seemed like it was going to be a female equivalent to This Boy's Life at first but it was not to be. It's similar to that brilliant film only in that it's a coming of age story in which a mother and child make a road trip across America. In This Boy's Life it was Ellen Barkin and Leonardo DiCaprio who ended up in Concrete, Washington; in Anywhere But Here it's Susan Sarandon and Natalie Portman ending up in Los Angeles. It's a film clearly aimed at simple-minded and easily pleased females; anyone else won't get much out of this at all. Mutant 3/10 is another shitty horror film that wasn't even a nasty. Two brothers on a road trip get lost and waylaid by rednecks and then... I guess a monster kills some people, probably. NEXT! How to Train Your Dragon 9/10 - whoever said this is for adults as well as children is bang right. It's exhilerating as well as endearing, and never patronising. No surprise that the guys responsible also did the most surprisingly good Disney animation of recent years, Lilo & Stitch, and you can see the same distinct stylings in the design of the slick black Night Fury dragon. This is the best of the non-Pixar CG animations by a long way. Naked Lunch ?/10 is one of those WTF (What The Fuck) films. The main guy is Robocop before he got killed doing some bewildered, very reserved and quiet yet effective acting. Amity Chief of Police Martin Brody (Roy Scheider) cameos as an urbane drug dealer of crazy pretend drugs made out of massive insects. It's the 1950s and somehow, for some reason, the setting shifts to Morocco. Ian Holm shows up and somehow, for some reason talks different words to those that his mouth is saying. Typewriters attack and kill other typewriters. Everything is very sombre and serious and everyone acts like they're in a dour film noir. After about 40 minutes it became absolutely impenetrable. I wish I could have got into it better than I did; I'm really glad that there are films like this and minds capable of making them, and I only wish I could understand and enjoy them more than I'm currently able to.