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uncle phil · 06-14-2003, 04:44 AM

Final Examination

Instructions: Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.

PUBLIC SPEAKING. 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

The proper response is: "G'day mates! Yahoo Serious will be out in a few moments. While you're waiting, I'll just throw a few shrimp on the barby for ya, and you can help yourselves to a few pots of Foster's. Right? Right."

SOCIOLOGY. Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

The only problems would be from the car sales people and lawyers on why they can't get to the promised land. The lawyers will try to appeal, and the sales people will try to finance or trade one another (for less than blue book) to get in.

ENGINEERING. The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

Call management in room. Inform management that engineering has had enough of cleaning up after sales demos and will not tolerate this shit. Storm out of room leaving bewildered management to deal with dissasembled rifle and hungry tiger. I mean, if management had been on the ball, the gun would be assembled and the tiger would have been fed.

POLITICAL SCIENCE. There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

Inform Kremlin that our entire nuclear arsenal accidentally launched towards them. This should start a major skirmish. After the exchange and near total destruction of the world, the only socio-political effect will be if we have enough shrimp and Fosters for the Aborigines who are still waiting for Yahoo Serious (they seemed to think that the big flash and noise was another Serious invention).

EPISTEMOLOGY. Take a position for or against the truth. Prove the validity of your position.

I speak the truth. Everything I say is a lie.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE. Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

Life is a scam.

EXTRA CREDIT. Define the Universe. Give three examples.

Time is relative.
Time is money.
Money is relative.
Relatives cost money.
Time is relative, and don't let your relatives spend too much time (or money).

ex 1: Aunt Irma visits.
ex 2: Aunt Irma won't leave.
ex 3: You wind up buying Aunt Irma a 1 way ticket to anywhere. Thus depleting your vacation fund. Now you must go back to work.

06-14-2003, 04:44 AM	#102 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	Final Examination Instructions: Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately. PUBLIC SPEAKING. 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. The proper response is: "G'day mates! Yahoo Serious will be out in a few moments. While you're waiting, I'll just throw a few shrimp on the barby for ya, and you can help yourselves to a few pots of Foster's. Right? Right." SOCIOLOGY. Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. The only problems would be from the car sales people and lawyers on why they can't get to the promised land. The lawyers will try to appeal, and the sales people will try to finance or trade one another (for less than blue book) to get in. ENGINEERING. The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision. Call management in room. Inform management that engineering has had enough of cleaning up after sales demos and will not tolerate this shit. Storm out of room leaving bewildered management to deal with dissasembled rifle and hungry tiger. I mean, if management had been on the ball, the gun would be assembled and the tiger would have been fed. POLITICAL SCIENCE. There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. Inform Kremlin that our entire nuclear arsenal accidentally launched towards them. This should start a major skirmish. After the exchange and near total destruction of the world, the only socio-political effect will be if we have enough shrimp and Fosters for the Aborigines who are still waiting for Yahoo Serious (they seemed to think that the big flash and noise was another Serious invention). EPISTEMOLOGY. Take a position for or against the truth. Prove the validity of your position. I speak the truth. Everything I say is a lie. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE. Describe in detail. Be objective and specific. Life is a scam. EXTRA CREDIT. Define the Universe. Give three examples. Time is relative. Time is money. Money is relative. Relatives cost money. Time is relative, and don't let your relatives spend too much time (or money). ex 1: Aunt Irma visits. ex 2: Aunt Irma won't leave. ex 3: You wind up buying Aunt Irma a 1 way ticket to anywhere. Thus depleting your vacation fund. Now you must go back to work. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. Last edited by uncle phil; 06-14-2003 at 04:49 AM..