Zeraph

What do you think of humanity? And do you want to move closer to the heart of humanity or less?

I've always been kind of distant. At first I tried to bridge that distance and felt like something was wrong with me. Then I became apathetic with the average person. I mistook the apathy for misanthropy. Now I realize it was blatant lack of interest in the common human. Nothing emotional about it. Not hatred nor alienation.

Obviously I am human myself. I am not sure if this means that I am less human in an existential/philosophical sense, or maybe more human because all of humanity has an individualist factor. If not from person to person, then a country wide individualism. Like how Asian countries tend to be more "of the people" versus America's individualism.

I have had depression once in the past (when my seizures weren't under control) so I know for certain this is not that. I would liken it more to an old man who feels done with the world. Not wanting death, but apathetic to life's cycles and tides. Maybe not quite that because I am still curious, and especially curious about what it would be like to be even more distant. I imagine it as peaceful (and it feels peaceful so far,) perhaps likening it to the harmony of an ascetic monk.