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Hubby wants or You wants?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwingGirl
OK so I should have given a little more background info. This all began with both of us agreeing that it would be fun and exciting to have same room sex with another couple(s). We have done it a couple times and sometimes it has led to more (girl/girl and me messing around with the guy a little) which hubby and I loved every minute of.
That being said, my intention with this thread was to get some perspective on why or how it is appealing for my husband to see me have sex with another man when the thought of him with another woman makes me cringe. ...
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I have thought about this for some time, and it does depend on the personality of your hubby. Adding risky elements and thrill to spice up sex is good for a couple, but if you have maintained a monogamous relationship for many years, and find that to be more comfortable, for spiritual or personal reasons, I would say, stay with this caution that is already caught up in your person hood.
You mention above about a couples night out, and showing him a side of yourself he may not have seen before (playing around a bit with girl/girl and me 'messing around with the guy' a little). Then you say you both loved it. So the question is outstanding, how much is "a little?" LoL. It is implied one guy, but did this happen with more than one?
Again this depends on your husband, but you may have displayed a scenario in front of him, and shown enthusiasm. Was this to test him for jealousy and by mistake you have evoked communications that have not prior happened?
These are merely reflections into the psyche of a man's mind. Some men have already crossed this area without much spiritual import being placed on the vow or oaths between a woman and a man.
This is okay for them. But if you are a woman who valued monogamy, it is a time to shift into a different focus:
He may be following your non-verbal cues and remembering the delight in your face or the way you moved your body with a stranger in his presence.
When monogamous couples venture out on this ledge, it can be thrilling but it can also backfire, collapse the marriage and ruin the trust prior established in agreeing before hand, to be monogamous.
This crosses a spiritual boundary of vows and prior oaths. Oaths spoken and observed in years past. This can be the sacred ground between a man and a woman. or marriage of two adults who have grown fond of one another over the years.
If he has seemed to be a faithful husband, you must have a measure of adoration, especially if you do not like the idea of him being with another woman.
I say adoration above but you can insert the word appreciation or respect. The idea is that you cherish him to yourself in the marriage, and therefore a certain degree of adoration is appropriate and serves to calm a husbands misunderstandings or troubled emotions. It can also serve as a balm to quiet misunderstandings you may have inadvertently or intentionally awakened in your husband.
Caution is better if you want the marriage to last. And I see you have some caution or reservations here.
At the bottom of all this, I am interpreting (perhaps wrongly - it again depends on your guy), a subtle form of insecurity that is difficult for a man to voice, when he sees his favorite dame being naked with as you said "girl/girl and ... messing around with the guy a little" ... if it was girl girl, less chance for insecurity to creep in, but with another swordsman present (again it depends on the guy) it can cause unsettling notions or confusion that a man has not worked out yet. His voicing such a thing, could be a voice speaking from misunderstanding and you have to sort that out. It is okay to put on your nurturer's hat every once in a while to help a guy sort out a confusion in his spirit or mind.
You have brought up the subject of why he might want to see you with another man? You are puzzled because of your own feelings of him being with another woman. To properly answer you, we may need to take a quick detour.
Now lets focus on whether you were trying to see if he would still be jealous: Too many woman play this game to bad consequences. Because they do not know how to arrest the jealousy and stop it once the desired observance is achieved. After that things can go stupidly for both parties, and the hurt can expand to other areas of their life together.
Not all women are this way, but some women have a tendency to manipulate a man's emotions and think of it as entertainment, and something to gossip about. This of course is a fatal mistake when it comes to sex in a (prior declared) monogamous marriage.
It is a verbal declaration of monogamy that binds you to preserve yourself, in the oath or declaration. We all fall down, but as long as you have been faithful there is no need to compromise your word, because your husband is experiencing a confusion from you trying to see if he would still be jealous. This is like taking a drain plug or cork out of a water damn, and forgetting to put the cork back in after you are done. As the water trickles out at first (as expected) it seems harmless. But then over time, a week or a month, the water may bore a hole wider and the cork you took out, no longer fits. Then it is only a matter of time for a larger piece of the circle to break off, so the shape becomes irregular. Then a chunk.
I want you to answer, were you trying to see if he would be jealous? This is sometimes the game of a woman and we may not be qualified to answer your original post, unless you are honest with us and yourself.
You may have unintentionally caused him to be confused and to speak to you later, out of misunderstanding, saying he wants to see you in that way.
We all know males can be confused even as adults. When they get confused spiritually or in marriage, they can make stupid mistakes. It is important for a wife, not to exploit a man's confusion. The woman has superior intuition and this is for a reason: In the natural world if a man learns to listen to his woman's intuition, it will save him from making many blunders or mistakes. This intuition is one thing about a woman, some men cherish. In this narrow focus they may recognize the woman has superior discernment in certain things and this can lead to a deeper level of love, commitment and understanding. Genuine gratitude. Respect and often relief, on an unspoken level. Joy. And then more passion of course.=]
It is like a divining signal that saves the smart man from all types of trouble and anguish. We are not talking logic, we are talking intuition. Two different things.
The one area where a woman's intuition fails, is when she is naked with two or more men. When this happens her intuition is less stable and cannot always be trusted to keep her man safe from trouble.
So we go back to the question: Were you trying to cause him jealously, directly or indirectly to see if he would still be moved in this way by you?
I have more to say. I can help you with this, but you have to be honest and authentic in this narrow point.
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Last edited by cardigan; 04-03-2010 at 10:12 AM..
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