Originally Posted by Plan9

Dude, I'm so confused here. I need like... 7th grade reading level... I need flash cards with pictures. Maybe dinosaurs, too. Dinosaurs are gnarly.

This "by the time the need to invade the privacy of your partner arises, infidelity is very likely the least of issues" bit makes zero sense to me, Hoss. It's a reaction, not an action. Said reaction would not have occurred without the initial action by his wife. There is an activity trigger threshold. Consider it like the trigger pull on a pistol, with the pressure on the trigger being evidence and reasonableness as related to the likelihood of Something Wonky. See, you can touch the trigger without the gun going off (she's distant), you can even apply some pressure to the trigger, squeezing it a little, without the gun going off (we don't have sex much)... but the gun only discharges when you provide enough pressure on the trigger (she shaved her snatch'o'doodle and is being really secretive). In this case: I do not dig around in my partner's stuff without seeing that they're shaving the privates for the first time in months/years and notice they're being Really Friggin' Sneakret Squirrel (TM). Is it "wrong?" Yes. A sense of personal privacy is important (in some weird way I haven't quite figured out yet). Is it justified? Probably. If nothing comes of it? __awkward moment text__. But if you uncover something, you just dodged that bullet.

Let's say Guy A is completely clueless about any relationship issues until his wife starts doing stuff that a Law & Order camera man would do a four second "this is important" pause shot of... and then suddenly Guy A finds himself with That Wonky Feeling (TM). Something fishy is afoot and he chooses to investigate. What exactly are you trying to convey to me by suggesting that the instant he unzips a duffel bag that the relationship had issues before he decided that investigation was necessary? Is the big issue here that he didn't go, "Hey, toots... you bobbing on any other cock than mine? It's okay... you can tell me." I think the issue is all her. She wasn't happy with [whatever, lame excuse] and decided to go get a little sumfin'-sumfin'.

How can both sides of this relationship be the bad guy? One for cheating and one for not being suspicious enough early enough or... uh... huh?

I figure you're suggesting that he should have sat down with her and talked to her about his concerns like some kind of Dr. Phil special. It has been my experience that those activities either ruin a relationship where nothing is wrong ("You don't trust me!") or only allow the person who's doing-the-naughty to lie ("You don't trust me?"). I'm suggesting that shit doesn't go down like that in the real world. Real world relationship issues as described in this thread happen based on coincidences, accidents, Freudian slips and Columbo-like hunches. The girlfriend that discovers you're still fapping it to SuicideGirls.com based on your browser history, the husband that discovers his wife is still smoking Cowboy Killers by finding a cellophane in her jeans pocket while doing the laundry. Evidence-based. In this case it was sneaky behavior plus shaved cock-socket that lead to the panties with what was likely semen stains. Change the variables all you want, the axioms themselves never change.

...

Ugh, sorry... I realize how poorly written this stuff is... I hope it makes some sense.