I've got to agree with Plan9 on this one. Trying to talk it out might work but the other person isn't going to tell you unless they had already planned to come to you or the relationship is already past repair. To me its akin to a policeman searching your car when he has reasonable cause (or whatever that phrase is), eventually the evidence just begins piling up and you either ignore it or start looking around for some answers. I guess one could try asking but I would suspect 99 out of 100 times all you get is a fight or a breakup and the next time she/he does it she/he will just be more careful about it.
Why suddenly would a person who has been nothing but deceitful suddenly do a 180 and tell you everything you want to know because you sat down for a talk?
Blindly trusting somebody and just ignoring obvious signs of infidelity isn't exactly the best thing for a relationship either. I don't know there really isn't an easy answer in these cases...probably best left to the dynamics of the relationship then a solid rule I suppose.
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