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4 out of 5 doctors recommend bigger cocks.

Right off the bat, you should know that ExtenZe markets itself as a penis enlargement product, not as a “pleasure pill”. Oh no, wait, it says right on the box that it is for “size, pleasure AND performance”. It is sold in stores right next to all of the other pleasure pills. I guess the theory is, if it doesn’t work for one thing it can certainly be used to not work for something else. Shrewd!

You have probably seen this product on a variety of cheesy infomercials featuring artificially-cleavaged women and porn actor Ron Jeremy all giggly referring to the penis as “down there”. This product has been on TV so often that it has actually “bought” itself respectability simply by being on TV. “It must work, I saw it on the telly!” Are we the stupidest people ever?

One of the most laughable items about this useless product is on the ExtenZe website FAQ’s:

Question: How long do I take ExtenZe?

Answer: Take one tablet each day until you reach the size you desire. It's up to you how large you want your penis to become.

Wow, it’s up to me how large I want my penis to become! Is there a number that high? I can’t even count how many times I’ve said “I wish my cock was so large, that every time I travelled, I have to buy it an extra airline seat!” If this product really did grow your penis as large as you wanted and after ten years of existence, wouldn’t we have seen at least one Extenze-induced gargantuan cock blocking out direct sunlight over small to mid-size cities? Wouldn’t these giant ExtenZe-sized johnsons at least show up in porn? C’mon!!!!

ExtenZe user Kevin Smith posing with his giant dick.

But alas, the market success of this product is stupefying. It does absolutely nothing as a pleasure product. Take it and you will feel the same way you feel when someone robs your house. Violated and vulnerable. What would you pay $6 for that does nothing? And if that wasn’t enough, reading the list of possible side-effects you’d think we’d found the cause of cancer.

Not a scare tactic, but the actual label….

In conclusion, why would you pay $6 for something that doesn’t work AND causes cancer, prostate problems, acne, hair loss, heart disease, hair growth on woman’s faces. Wait a minute…this product is to grow your penis longer, how would it grow hair on a woman’s face when I’m a man? Does it cause you to cross genders, too? I give up…this is a useless exercise in high risk, no reward. Why wouldn’t the law step in on this product? Oh wait, they did. They successfully sued the company for false advertising, won the lawsuit, and then accepted $300,000 from the company in exchange for ExtenZe not having to admit any wrongdoing. Wow! My head hurts! This product is a complete bust. Avoid at all cost! If you buy this product from an infomercial, be assured you will never ever be able to cancel your monthly shipment unless you speak Punjab. This is what gives advertising a bad name, I mean a worse name. Oh did I mention this product used to contain an illegal amount of lead? Somebody help me!



- Postal