Why do you presume that everything you say or do is lame?
You seriously need to work on your own self-esteem before you look for a relationship. I think one of the reasons you are so interested in finding a relationship is because you think it will fix your self-esteem issues. I hate to rain on your parade, but it won't. Only you can establish confidence in yourself.
You presume a lot about what other people think about you. Guess what? You're probably wrong. Most people are too wrapped up in their own worlds to notice what you're doing.
And give me a break about girls pursuing BAs being ambitious. You know what they used to jokingly call a BA? The MRS. And guess what? There are still girls at universities all over the country pursuing an MRS, despite these modern times. I see it all over the place at my own university.
I really think you should see a therapist. They can offer more concrete suggestions about how to improve your self-esteem. If you are really truly interested in changing and improving yourself, it can be done, but it will take a lot of work, and it will take professional help. There is really only so much advice we can offer.
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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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