Looks like I'm going to be doing a lot of replying to most. Here it goes!:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Herk
Rent The Tao of Steve, if for no other reason than its an awesome movie.
I've always been a fan of the philosophy that if you build it they will come when it comes to romance. Build your life up. I'm not suggesting you aren't successful, just that you might aim to just keep improving and enjoying yourself even if you're already badass. As a result, for many, I think the girls show up.
As an example, my brother in law, joined the military right out of school. He met a girl in transit to first duty station and married her within weeks. She anally plundered him for all his happiness and money while he was in Korea not a year down the road. They divorced, and he married another little girl within a year. Things aren't going well. Moral: you must build a foundation upon which to set your relationship. Unfortunately we are driven to solve a problem right now, as if it is a problem not to be in a relationship. I suspect a relationship is much more enjoyable if not labored over so much.
My credibility here is nil; I have been married since the week after my high school graduation. BTW, turns out that causes a lot of regrets about not getting a lot of(any) teenage pussy. Anyway, I love my wife and we are happily married for nearly 10 years. I can tell you though that my wife and I see eye to eye on all of your con points above. If she fell short in any of those regards in my eyes, I wouldn't want to be with her for a minute. The beauty of this relationship is that we... well I don't have any of those questions about her and I hope she doesn't of me. A relationship is something to enjoy not deplore.
I think the truth is that if you are an average joe, there isn't a thing you can do to control the universe. You can only try and manipulate it in subtle ways. In this case, building your footing and most importantly get over the whole not able to talk to girls thing. We'll all be dead tomorrow; pick one you adore in the meantime.
Also, it looks like you feel like you're getting beat up here for being harsh about this girl. Its bull, you were honest and humble at the same time. It was clear to me that you have the best intentions.
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That was a very wonderful post and I enjoyed it. And you hit the nail on the head, I want to get straight to the answer of what I feel my problem is, but I do need to work on myself first, even if it means not rushing things. As long as I don't sit back and just watch though.
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Originally Posted by settie
That's cause you are being selfish. Relationships require both selflessness and selfishness. If you were selfless, you'd torture yourself and continue the relationship. But you're unsatisfied, so break it off and try again.
Do it sooner than later, my ex "changed" and decided to not tell me for over 1 year. I broke it off, because he was beyond distant, he was evasive. And when I found out it had been that long, I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. He lied. He didn't want to hurt me, but he lied. I felt used and furious for using my money and emotions on him for an extra year. And the moron still wants to be best buddies... hah! So I beg you, please be completely honest and end it quickly. And don't give her the option of being friends after, just make a complete clean break.
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Eek, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I made this thread because the last thing I wanted to do was lead her on any longer, even if that meant me not getting the chance to spend more time with her and figure out if my heart would change.
That really sucks you feel I should make a clean break... I'd still like to be her friend, and although I don't think she'll want to, I hope she does.
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Originally Posted by Toaster126
When will we learn that lying to ourselves about what we want, and lying to others about who we are doesn't build good relationships?
You don't have to want a good one, just admit it.
Or if you really do, you might need to think about why you feel you have to lie to get one, and work on that instead. You'll be much happier, and the other thing will work itself out by proxy.  |
I'd actually never learned that before, up until now. I wasn't sure if I was lying to myself or if I was supposed to wait for things to just fall into place.
I guess I know now.
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Originally Posted by genuinegirly
In reality, you have been on very few dates. It's not a bad time to move on. I wouldn't say that you have led her on senselessly. But, now that you've been through the necessary personal hmm-ing and haw-ing, it would be the best time to say goodbye.
My Thoughts On Her:
When a woman says they want a good Christian man, they often mean a man who will understand their desire to abstain from sex until marriage. This would be one explanation for her disinterest in the matter. She doesn't seem to notice you're shelling out a sizeable chunk of change to spend time with her. She thinks she's worth "that much." Maybe another woman will be, but this one is not. Based on what you have written about her in this thread, it sounds like she's clinging to a prepubescent mentality. She needs to mature before she is ready for a true, lasting relationship.
My thoughts about You:
You have the option of sticking with her and hoping she matures to the level you hope, learning to love her along the way. Or you can choose to cut your losses now and move on. It's your choice. Expect some amount of drama and heartache over the breakup - for yourself and for her.
My thoughts on both of you:
In any case, it seems you have both learned a lot from the relationship. You've learned that someone's interest in religion isn't necessarily going to cross them off your list. You've also learned that some women don't bother with financial accountability. You've learned to interact comfortably on a more-than-social level with a woman other than your ex. I wouldn't call it a waste of time.
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I really like this post, it's sweet.
I initially thought the "Christian man" thing was just something that meant, someone who is not a playa, and someone who is kind and polite. Which I thought I was. But the no sex till marriage thing did cross my mind a few times. Actually, the first reply I got back from her towards my first message was, "Take note that I don't do one night stands.", and that was it, haha. And my first message had nothing to do with sex. I still have no clue why she did that, haha.
But yeah, I don't think I should stay with her. I'll do anything in my power to not hurt her anymore than she already be when I break the news (minus staying with her and having me be unhappy forever...), so I guess the sooner, the better.
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Originally Posted by dlish
dude..join a chess club, it'd probably get you laid a lot quicker...and chess's a slow thinking game, so a 5-10 minute lag between moves is normal part of the game sometimes. you could get laid in that time if you're lucky.
seriously though, dump her. if you cant spend 500 bucks on her in 3 months ( an estimate based on your numbers) without feeling bad, you shouldnt be with her. besides, id have thought as a christain she'd have her own Bible! if i was single and someone bought me a Quran, i'd find that lame, then weird.
and for the record, once you do get #6 from her, you wont put up with the 1-5 stuff. so do it now before its too late.
dont take any of this advice as TFP being harsh on you, most people here would find it a no brainer that you'd dump her before you ruined your life and hers.
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Haha, I do like chess actually.
See, I'm not sure if it's normal to spend the amount I did on her, on another woman. Being as this is the first girl I ever really "dated", I don't like the amount I was spending, but I don't know if that it is a normal amount or not because none of my friends have ever told me how much they spent on dating. All I know is that I don't like spending "that" much. But that's coming from a guy who's good with managing his money (I have no debts or loans, no car payments, and don't buy all the latest gizmos)
Oh, and I worded the Bible part wrong. She has her own bible, the bible I bought was for me, but, she insisted on getting one that had both the old and new testaments, and one that was small. Which narrowed it down to $25-$50 ones at the churches store. If it were my choice, I would have eBayed one for $5.
And I feel only Manic_Skafe was being harsh on me. The others have been very helpful.
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Originally Posted by Xerxys
End it with her. Sit her down and explain that YOU made a mistake going onto a relationship so fast after the fiasco with your ex.
After this start meeting people. Mirth, how many times have you contributed to this website besides being all emo about how little self esteem you have and how average you are and woe is me this, woe is me that! You are fuckin' selfish dude! How dare you go into a relationship with some one you don't find attractive? I'm socially retarded and even *I* know that's wrong!
I have half a very cynic mind to think that you intentionally used her as an emotional punching bag. If you went so far as two dates with this girl and found nothing of value why did you not drop it altogether? Unless you wanted to be the dumper instead of the dumpee can you think of any other reason?
You complain of the inability to connect with many people. How do you think you will find a soul mate with no effort to remedy your excess introverted behavior? Getting a girlfriend requires you to be able to start conversations. Stick around if not here then any other forums and LEARN HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE. Contribute more and make it a habit like smoking. Hopefully it will manifest into a compulsion to meet more people.
Worst case scenario you become a worse recluse and develop an internet addiction.
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I really don't have much to contribute. I think I posted a reply about laptops or something once, but otherwise, everyone here is generally smarter than me or more experienced than me. It's like wikipedia to me, I don't know how so many people have all that info in there, and I don't think I could add anything into wikipedia that wasn't in there already.
I know I may seem emo and/or selfish for this thread and my previous threads, but this is the only part of life I can't seem to understand or figure out... It's hard for me to make friends or girlfriends. But other than that, I'd say my life is pretty good. It's just that having friends is really important to me, and having a real girlfriend is something I'm very curious to learning about, and I miss being loved. Other than that, I'm a very unselfish person for the most part. If someone's car is broke down on the side of the road, I'll help them out. I always hold doors for people. I always handsomely tip my waitresses and barbers. If there's anyone that is in need of help and I know that I'm capable of helping, I usually never hesitate. (I guess you can say it is selfish though, because these things make me feel good.)
And I do a lotttt of talking on the internet. I have 13,000+ posts on one other forum alone, and I instant message with a lot of internet buddies. I feel texting, e-mailing, and even instant messaging is much different than talking with someone in person or on the phone, mostly because, like I said before I'm a slow thinker. The internet chatting gives me any amount of time I need to think about what I want to say, while the other methods are more real-time, and I just can't do that. I'm just a really slow thinker.
And the only reason why I don't casually post here is because I'm too intimidated, and as I mentioned before, I don't have any real-world experience that another, wiser user couldn't post.