fie

Dear Journal. You're a fucking bitch I hate you so much.

... sorry...
I didn't mean that, you know that.

It's just... I've been repressing some things.

It was my birthday on the 15th... It was shit. It's always been shit though. I've never had a good birthday. Something always goes wrong.

So I had this girlfriend for a couple of weeks. She's black :O :O :O O :O :O O:.

And on my birthday I told her that I'm married. I told her that the marriage was a joke. Being Christian, and all, it kind of pissed her off more. I knew I shouldn't have messed around with another Christian woman. Last time I got sued by Target.

She ended up leaving my friends apartment. I gave her some time to cool off until I realized that she was outside and so was my car so I went out to find her. Thankfully my car was fine but she was on the phone trying to get a ride and I couldn't have that. It took an hour to explain it all and how I wanted to be with her and I'll handle the marriage when I can afford it.

I finally got her to come back inside and she started drinking. She probably had about 6 drinks all together and then she tried to rape me and she started taking her clothes off in front of my friend and his girlfriend. Good times... gooood embarrassing times.

Anyway, we ended up not fucking because I knew that would be wrong. The best time of my life was when I lost my morals... but I also lost my friends.

That night everyone went to sleep except me... without sex.... on my birthday.

Anyway, flashback for a second. Through out this two week relationship, she always seemed kinda sketchy. Like the way she talked on the phone to people. And her dating profile still said that she was single. And we were supposed to hang out one weekend and she said she was going to go hang out with a guy friend of hers.

So, on the night of my birthday after everyone had gone to sleep I checked her phone to see what was up. She was talking to a guy earlier and was quite flirty but quieted down when she saw I was paying attention to her. I ended up finding a message telling some guy friend of hers that she wanted to kiss him.

I asked about him the next morning. "did you sleep with him? no. did you kiss him? well there was a good bye kiss". She wanted to know how I even knew who that was. I was silent. Waiting for her to fill in any gaps. She was getting pissed. I still didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to deal with it. I just woke up and I hate arguing with people.

So I drove her home and the last time I saw her, she slammed my car door and flipped me off.

I ended up sending her a message later telling her how I found out and also just letting her know how slutty she is coming across as, in much nicer words, I assure you.

So we talked for about 2 hours yesterday and that phone call ended with "never call me again <click>"

Oh Journal, why is nothing working out for me? Why does nothing ever work out for me? Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you about something good that happens to me. Truly good.

-fie