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What does it hurt to let them be heroes? You're really going to go up to a dead soldier's mother and say, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but your son was just doing his job. Casualty of war."??
I'm as opposed to the war as anyone (and more than many), but the rhetoric to transform is the rhetoric that sends us TO war, not the words used to honor the war dead. Let the dead be, and let their families say whatever they want about them.
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