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Old 12-27-2009, 12:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
Cynthetiq
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http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/24/fa...as.html?src=tp
Quote:
December 24, 2009
Saying No, No, No to the Ho-Ho-Ho
By HILARY STOUT

IT was beginning to look a lot like Christmas. So what was a good, compassionate, environmentally conscious guy like Dan Nainan to do?

The tree was the first problem. “You cut down a tree and you’re going to throw it out in three weeks,” he said. “If you get a plastic tree, you’re wasting petroleum.”

Then there was the whole matter of buying gifts. “I think it’s great that people are going out and buying things and helping the economy,” he said. But when a Wal-Mart employee can be trampled to death in a manic dash for holiday bargains, as happened last year, “that kind of crystallized everything for me.”

The answer: Skip it. The whole holiday. No tree. No stockings, carols or any of the “whole nine yards” of trappings and traditions that Mr. Nainan said his family has always laid on.

“Instead of buying stuff for people who don’t need it and will probably return it anyway, I’m going to take all the money that I would have spent on presents, find some needy people — not a charity — and give the money directly to them,” said Mr. Nainan, 28 years old and single, who, belying his earnestness and world-saving inclinations, is a professional comedian. He planned to spend Christmas Day working on his Web site, trolling Facebook and taking an elderly woman who lives in his Manhattan apartment building out for dinner.

This has been a year for paring back Christmas. Largely by economic necessity, many people have been trimming their gift lists, subduing their celebrations and aiming for a simpler, lower-key holiday.

But some, like Mr. Nainan, are taking that sentiment to the extreme. For them, this is the year of the anti-Christmas, the year when everything — from the pressure to find the perfect present to the prospect of family drama over roast turkey — just got to be too much.

In response, they are opting out of the festivities entirely. This year, they are taking a holiday from the holiday.

“W.W.B.J.D.?” asked Richard Laermer. (That is, What would baby Jesus do?) “Sit it out.”

Mr. Laermer, a media consultant and the author of “2011: Trendspotting for the Next Decade,” and his partner of 20 years have long celebrated Christmas elaborately. But 2009 was so disappointing economically, politically and spiritually, he says, that the holidays aren’t worth celebrating. The couple will spend Christmas Day watching “I Dream of Jeannie” episodes on DVD and taking dips in their pool in La Quinta, Calif.

One year ago today, Pepper Hill was preparing to host her annual Christmas Eve open house. Her Atlanta home was decked in lights. Her Christmas tree was beautiful. Twenty minutes before the guests were due, she had a sense of dread in the pit of her stomach.

“Wow,” she said to herself. “I can never do this again.”

Ms. Hill, a 50-year-old voice-over actress, said she had been feeling a spiritual drift away from Christmas for several years. And yet, each December she continued to go through the motions of sending out holiday cards, decorating the house, buying gifts. This year as December approached, she wondered if she’d have the nerve to shun the rituals that had always been a part of her life.

She did. “It was so liberating!” she said.

On Christmas morning, Ms. Hill and her husband were planning to wake up in their Christmas-tree-free home, get in the car, drive to a mountain and go for a hike. They hope they won’t see another soul on the trail. They’ll have breakfast at one of those chains along the Interstate, probably the only culinary option open on Christmas Day in Georgia. In the afternoon, they’ll go to the movies. She wants to see the new Meryl Streep film, “It’s Complicated.” Then — because we all know that, whether you celebrate it or not, Christmas can be a long day — they’ll probably stay for a second movie (“Maybe something heavy like ‘A Single Man,’ ” she said).

Though Ms. Hill’s transformation may be dramatic, there are indicators that Christmas revelry in general may be slipping among the population at large. The Christmas Spirit Foundation, a charity that provides holiday assistance to needy children and sends Christmas trees to military families, has been examining people’s plans for the holidays for the last five years. This year’s survey, conducted by the polling firm Harris Interactive, found that while 95 percent of households plan to celebrate Christmas (about the same as every year), the percentage of families who plan to exchange gifts is dropping: 77 percent this year, down from 85 percent in 2005. Slightly fewer people said they were going to attend parties or listen to Christmas music, too.

Another organization hired Harris to conduct a different type of Christmas poll — this one on holiday stress. The survey, commissioned by Breakthrough at Caron, a residential program for adults suffering from drug and alcohol addiction as well as dysfunctional family situations, found holiday stress to be almost universal — 90 percent of respondents said they suffered from it — but that this year the feeling was amplified. Thirty-eight percent of the people polled said they expected to feel more anxiety this holiday season than last. Most blamed the economy, but 77 percent also cited family conflicts.

“There’s a lot of pain associated with Christmas,” said Hank Stuever, the author of a new book, “Tinsel: A Search for America’s Christmas Present,” which follows the Yuletide preparations of three families in a sprawling Dallas suburb over three consecutive years, 2006 to 2008. “There’s a lot of joy, too. You’re supposed to be happy — thank you, Charles Dickens — and when you aren’t, you feel bad.”

Mr. Stuever said he has been struck by how many people approach him after readings of his book asking for advice on “ramping down Christmas.” He said he has counseled many to think about taking a break from the holiday for a year to rethink what it means to them. “Sometimes you need to control-alt-delete Christmas,” he said, to build it back up into something more meaningful. Following his own advice, he and his partner were planning to fly on Christmas from their home in Washington to Los Angeles, and ignore Christmas entirely. “I promised Michael a tinsel-free Christmas,” he said.

Certainly Hollywood has clued in. In recent years the movie industry has saved some of its biggest releases for Christmas Day, recognizing that the classic Jewish practice of going to the movies on Dec. 25 is catching on with gentiles looking for a break from conversing with relatives, assembling toys or consuming the chocolate Santas that happen to be lying around.

Another American Jewish tradition, going out for Chinese food on Christmas, may have crossover appeal as well. A few years ago, Claire Rigodanzo, a lifelong Catholic, took her extended family to Ming’s, a Chinese restaurant in Palo Alto, Calif., for its annual Christmas Day comedy show (always a sold-out event) aimed at a Jewish crowd. The name of the show: ChopShticks. “It was really fun,” she said. “We’d definitely do it again.”

But that involves family togetherness — something Krista Rogers is trying to minimize this Christmas.

Growing up, her family made a big deal of Christmas. But over the years, she says general “strife and issues” began to get in the way.

Her mother and her three siblings — and their spouses and children — live nearby, in Denver. Ms. Rogers has no children; her husband has two grown sons.

“I feel like we get invited because they feel sorry for us,” she said. “You feel like you’re intruding on their Christmas and I feel bad about that.”

Ms. Rogers, 46, said she would go to a Christmas Eve church service because the religious aspect of the holiday remains important to her, and afterward stop by her mother’s and older sister’s home with some gifts. But for the first time, she’s declined all family invitations for Christmas Day.

Instead, she and her husband plan to drive eight hours to the Grand Canyon, where she’s never been. “We’ll do some hiking and sit in the hot tub.” They’re taking wine and their own wineglasses. “We’ll sit in our room and enjoy the view and have a unique Christmas. And not feel guilty about it.”

For Renata Rafferty, a 53-year-old philanthropy adviser, a life change prompted the decision to sit out Christmas this year. In October, her husband of 21 years died. In this, her first Christmas “as the Widow Rafferty,” she said, “I decided not to stress myself by conforming to some tyranny of the ‘shoulds.’ ”

Ms. Rafferty recently moved to a new home, in Evansville, Ind., and it has “some really hideous wallpaper.” So she’s decided to spend Christmas Day stripping wallpaper and beginning the process of making something new.

Her mother and sister invited her to Florida for Christmas but she politely declined. “My mother is a lovely woman, but she embodies holiday stress,” Ms. Rafferty said.

“Maybe next year I’ll know what I’m ‘supposed’ to do,” she said. “But for now, I’m looking forward to stripping on Christmas.”
I always tell people that I gave up Christmas for Lent a number of years ago, seems like about 15 years or so now.

I used to love it as a kid and as a teen, maybe even as a young adult. After one particular rough year, I think I read Simplify You Life or some such type book, and it suggested giving up a stressful holiday. I picked Christmas as it caused me the most amount of stress and duress.

Back in 2001 or so I believe my wife and I did a couple of Christmases for ourselves. But all in all again, it was more stressful than it was enjoyable.

I really like not celebrating Christmas in some ways. In others, I miss the connection with people because well, the first thing on Christmas people ask is "What did you get for Christmas?"

At times it stings because it's habit, to think about all the massive boxes and presents I've gotten over the years. Mostly though, it's a time I try to give myself permission to buy something I have been waiting for because usually there is a good sale or deal.

I did find though that it works best to just celebrate with those that want to celebrate if you wish to participate. Not being adamant about it, but just being flexible because someone wants to participate in something with you. So from time to time I've gone to Christmas parties on Christmas Eve.

A couple of years ago, we vacationed in Ibiza for Christmas week with my mother in law. Now we didn't plan anything for Christmas, it was just a convenient time to travel. What was amazing is that everything was closed on that island. Not just because it was off season, but more so because it was time to close for the Christmas holiday. The host at the hotel, stated to us on our Saturday arrival, "You'll have today and tomorrow to go to the store, after that it won't be open again until Wednesday." I had gotten used to living in a city that is always open, always moving, even on Christmas day. This was a different time for us. Bones Festes!
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