Originally Posted by Martian

Y'know, I'm so glad we have you around to tell us all the ways we suck and how much better things used to be. Really, how would we get along without these constant reminders?

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You want a serious response? Fine.

OP, you're overreacting to the point that clearly many of the responders here find it comical. One single missing condom doesn't prove a damn thing. If you have other reasons to suspect your wife of cheating, fine; but based on what you've told us, your reaction is way out of proportion.

Maybe it fell behind the headboard/toilet/whatever. Maybe the wrapper tore, she threw it out and subsequently forgot. Maybe you miscounted. Maybe one of your friends borrowed one. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

So a condom's missing. That doesn't justify jumping to ludicrous conclusions.

Talk to your wife. Don't accuse; just discuss your concerns. It's way too early to think these things.

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For the record, I still recommend the ceremonial dagger.