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I've thought a lot about what some of you have said. Perhaps it has something to do with our relationship, but I feel like that's something that only time will help me with. I do love him... but I think only with time, I may understand our relationship and any issues I may have with it more completely.
To answer your two questions, Aladdin Sane:
"How was your relationship with your father?"
It was really good when I was a young child. We were really close. As I grew older, I became interested in my own things and by the age of 10 I had stopped hugging and kissing him and saying, "I love you." When I was 13 we did not get along very well at all. He was always angry at me and I was always angry at him. (Different reasons.) One of the main things my father and I used to argue about would be when I'd find him looking at porn on the computer in my room. I would also find emails (we had a family email that he used for this) from women to him talking about doing sexual shit and meeting up. I told my mom and when she confronted my dad about it, he denied it and said I was trying to ruin their marriage. We get along alright now. Not close... but alright.
"Can you describe your past relationships?"
I've only had one other long term relationship before this one. I knew a guy and we hooked up and went out for a couple years or so. Ex was interesting sexually. He didn't mind trying new things. He was emotionally abusive, though. He moved to another state and started dating another girl without telling me. For a while I would tell him I love him, and he wouldn't reply with the same answer. I asked why after a while and he said it was because he had found someone new. I was sad, but understood that the relationship was over. But, then he dumped the new girlfriend and claimed to love me again... and stated that we never broke up. I was confused. I didn't consider myself to be in a relationship with him anymore, though, so I went out and had sex with other guys. Fuck buddies and random guys I would meet at parties or through friends. Some fuck buddies eventually wanted to become "a thing" but I didn't feel that sort of connection with them so I rejected and forgot about them. I preferred one-night-stands since I didn't feel pressured to get to know the person more. :P
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