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Most people are so jaded these days....
That being said, it's also unfortunate he wouldn't try light bondage which you wanted to do. Maybe that turned you off that he wouldn't at least try it. It's not like you're asking him for scat but different people have different thresholds of comfort.
Maybe he's wrong for you. Or maybe not.
If you love him, and don't find it so important that he won't try the bondage, then it's really up to you to find it in yourself to enjoy what you have.
I think people dwell on the negative things in their lives too much. I can't teach you how, but I used to be a pessimist most of the time until one day something clicked for me. These days I sometimes find myself feeling in awe of this amazing world, and the life I get to live. Just being here, conscious, able to experience things with this incredible body and mind that are mine to use, makes me excited about life. I think about all the awful things that happen and have happened in the world and I realize how lucky I am. I also realize how wasteful I can be.
During sex, it's important to try and enjoy the little details, just the fact that you're naked with another human being, and specially if you love them, it's such a privilege. I savour every moment as much as I can. And after a point, letting go, and giving your body to another, is also amazing.
That doesn't mean I always am able to relax and be free this way, but I do know it's possible and the main thing is to relax and truly ask yourself do you enjoy this and do you realize what you have. If you are honest with yourself and you are with him because YOU want to be, then it can't be a bad thing.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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