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As an avid Buffy/Angel fan, I think the most important difference between Buffy's relationships with both Spike and Angel is that there was no happily ever after and, even when things were going "well" for those relationship (insofar as it ever went well), they were obviously unhealthy for everyone involved. Far be it for me to say that the Buffyverse portrays the Nosferatu or even the Draculas of vampires, but it's an enormously far cry from the...inanity of Twilight vampires.
And, honestly, let's not dwell much on the stalker aspect. Vampires are hunters and "stalking", if you want to call it that, has always been a part of their mythos. Or, at least, it has been since Dracula. The difference, at least in my mind, is Twilight's presentation of stalker behavior being somehow normal, acceptable or even romantic. Vampires have always stalked, but it's clearly never been a healthy thing-for them or for their prey. Twilight's turned that all on its head.
The bottom line is that Twilight is Mary Sue fanfic cleaned up just enough to get it into the public eye. It's very easy for girls to feel like they're Bella and easy for women to remember feeling like they were Bella, and when you feel unattractive and uninteresting, what could be more exciting than having two princes (good word Cinn) fighting for your affections. My only real objection to Twilight is the fact that it's portraying extremely unhealthy relationship conduct as romantic and tossing in a heaping dose of Mormon morality for good measure. And it's doing so to people who are impressionable enough to get the message without necessarily understanding it.
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