Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Anxiety, depression & addiction... oh my! The mental illness thread.

Anonymous Member · 11-26-2009, 01:46 PM

It was about 10 years ago when I self-diagnosed myself with depression. I once had a physician agree with me, but it was at a walk-in clinic. I've had four or five sessions with a psychologist before my university health coverage ran out. It was there that I uncovered my issues of neglect in childhood, and a confirmation that I was a victim of a severely emotionally abusive relationship. My primary problem is guilt. I feel completely guilty whenever I do something for myself. Yet I only occaisionally think enough to do something out of the ordinary for others. One of the biggest problems with victims of emotional abuse, is that they come out of it with no sense of self. Maybe that's the problem.

I've done little to do anything about it. By now this state seems who I am. I've tried self-medicating with supplements to little effect. I'm still uncertain how severe this is. I don't have suicidal thoughts but I occasionally have obsessive fears of dying. Sometimes it's a fear of having cancer, sometimes is when I'm traveling.

I don't have much of a problem with anxiety. I do exercise so my stress is mostly under control. But I do get anxiety when it comes to any sort of change...good or bad. Even if any kind of change would help me, I still choose not to do it. My default choice is to do nothing. I have issues with my job and with my finances. My relationship is stable but not what it should be. I feel like I'm going nowhere and I have nothing to look forward to.

I read in a book about depression that my type of depression is "unfocused". I have trouble concentrating, getting motivated, and generally feel foggy. I have problems enjoying things that would normally interest me. I am reluctant to communicate with people and I feel apprehensive about social situations. I seldom feel good about myself, and when i do it's shortlived. I often feel completely incapable of offering anything of value to the world. I have trouble feeling happy about other people's successes even if I care about them. I'm too self-absorbed. It's as though I'm in a constant self-preservation mode.

There are days when I've barely been outside. I am impulsive and compulsive...wasting time on things that give me little satisfaction. I'm absentminded. I have mild OCD when it comes to such things as leaving the house and double or triple checking everything.

Again, this is all self-diagnosed,...so yeah.... I'm not sure if an antidepressant would even work. But that's fine, I'm afraid to take them.

11-26-2009, 01:46 PM	#73 (permalink)
Anonymous Member Addict	It was about 10 years ago when I self-diagnosed myself with depression. I once had a physician agree with me, but it was at a walk-in clinic. I've had four or five sessions with a psychologist before my university health coverage ran out. It was there that I uncovered my issues of neglect in childhood, and a confirmation that I was a victim of a severely emotionally abusive relationship. My primary problem is guilt. I feel completely guilty whenever I do something for myself. Yet I only occaisionally think enough to do something out of the ordinary for others. One of the biggest problems with victims of emotional abuse, is that they come out of it with no sense of self. Maybe that's the problem. I've done little to do anything about it. By now this state seems who I am. I've tried self-medicating with supplements to little effect. I'm still uncertain how severe this is. I don't have suicidal thoughts but I occasionally have obsessive fears of dying. Sometimes it's a fear of having cancer, sometimes is when I'm traveling. I don't have much of a problem with anxiety. I do exercise so my stress is mostly under control. But I do get anxiety when it comes to any sort of change...good or bad. Even if any kind of change would help me, I still choose not to do it. My default choice is to do nothing. I have issues with my job and with my finances. My relationship is stable but not what it should be. I feel like I'm going nowhere and I have nothing to look forward to. I read in a book about depression that my type of depression is "unfocused". I have trouble concentrating, getting motivated, and generally feel foggy. I have problems enjoying things that would normally interest me. I am reluctant to communicate with people and I feel apprehensive about social situations. I seldom feel good about myself, and when i do it's shortlived. I often feel completely incapable of offering anything of value to the world. I have trouble feeling happy about other people's successes even if I care about them. I'm too self-absorbed. It's as though I'm in a constant self-preservation mode. There are days when I've barely been outside. I am impulsive and compulsive...wasting time on things that give me little satisfaction. I'm absentminded. I have mild OCD when it comes to such things as leaving the house and double or triple checking everything. Again, this is all self-diagnosed,...so yeah.... I'm not sure if an antidepressant would even work. But that's fine, I'm afraid to take them.