Oooh, Will, I think I'm gonna have to take exception to your physics work there...
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Originally Posted by Willravel
First of all, Newton's third law goes right out the airlock, so when you thrust into her, the force from your hips will move her whole body back, which means bracing yourself a lot more than normal.
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Newton's third law most certainly does NOT go out the window in a microgravity environment. If it did, the Shuttle's navigation thrusters could never put it in a docking posture with the IIS, among other things. In fact, without gravity to add an extra vector of acceleration to the equation, the action-and-reaction behavior gets pretty straightforward.
Imagine you and your good lady are floating in zero g, right in the center of a 10' diameter sphere. Absent any outside action on your bodies, provided you stay "united", you won't move an inch. You have nothing to push against to give any sort of acceleration to yourself, and every action you take has a reaction back against you. Your thrust into her doesn't actually impart her any momentum because of the negative acceleration of your hips at the end of your thrust. And since she's in free-fall too, no pushing or pulling against her (I'll get to an exception in a second) is going to result in any delta-V for the combined pair of you. Fuck all you want--you'll never significantly move toward the wall of your sphere.
Now, you CAN impart momentum to each other individually. That's easy to picture--just touch your hands against her hands and push off. You'll move away from each other. Ba da bing. Same way a rocket works--you've thrown mass in one direction to propel your craft in the other direction. But my point is, the *combined "fucking" mass* of the two of you will never be able to push or pull against itself in any way that imparts momentum to *your combined mass*.
I'm discounting "swimming", because frankly air resistance is insufficient for any real acceleration that way, and because human beings aren't really built for it. I leave it to you to bio-engineer an air-breathing jellyfish, so we can test whether such a thing is possible for an idealized body form.
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Originally Posted by Willravel
Then comes the sperm. If any of that gets out, and it will, you're going to have that shit everywhere because they're all swimming in a million different directions. They won't just necessarily float slowly like when you see Tang floating in zero-g.
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I don't know if it's any different on a cellular level, but I still suspect that a sperm-tail flagellating in the air isn't going to work too well for propulsion. Sperm evolved to swim in fluids.