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The closest I've ever come was having a friend in Junior High school, and once, after smoking a lot of pot together, we both masturbated, in front of each other, at the same time, while looking at porn. It didn't do anything for me, over and above masturbating and looking at porn....
The summer after my first year of college, I had a job working at a shop on the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, and I learned that many gay blond surfer types find hairy, heavy Jewish guys very attractive. I got hit on more that summer than in the whole rest of my life, combined, and all from tall, muscular blond guys. It really was kind of a shame I'm not gay, or I would've been in heaven. But I'm not, and while I politely turned down every guy with an explanation that I was flattered, but straight, it did get to the point of being so comically exasperating that one of the last guys to try picking me up, I said, "Listen, man...I really appreciate it. Don't think I'm not flattered. But you see that redheaded girl there, in the skirt? Could you possibly point out to her whatever it is that you see in me?"
I had a mess of gay friends in college who really tried to convince me I should try it. They pointed out that I have a lot of traditionally gay attributes-- I like musical theater and opera, I have my metrosexual moments regarding clothes, I enjoy a little gossip-- although I say my personality is more lesbian than gay-- I love Indigo Girls and Sarah MacLachlan, and I was crazy about X-Files (huge amongst Santa Cruz lesbians when I was at school). I really tried to fantasize about dudes, but it just didn't take. I mean, I can recognize when a man is attractive, and I have congratulated my gay buddies when they score a hot dude-- much to their amusement. But I recognize it as an abstract, like recognizing the cut of someone's clothes, or the quality of a piece of art. Not like with a hot girl, where if I even think about her too loudly I'm like to sprout wood.
Frankly, it's been kind of inconvenient that I'm not gay or at least bi-- I would've gotten way more laid if I were. But I just don't crave dudes. The idea of man sex doesn't repulse me, it just doesn't turn me on. It leaves me cold, neutral. I'm totally stoked for my gay friends who enjoy it, and I sure don't see anything wrong with it. I simply have no desire for it.
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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.
(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)
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