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I know I'm going to take a lot of abuse for this one. But I did the mother-of-all violations of trust and privacy. I read my ex-wife's diary. We'd been married for 6 years, I've always known where she kept it, always had all her passwords, as she had mine, and had never snooped. Then over several months she started doing things that made me suspicious. Nothing that I could really pin down, I work a lot. Little things, little mannerisms, little clues. So one day I had to know. I sat down, read her diary, and I was right. She'd been having an affair, and was planning on leaving me.
So, yes, doing it was wrong. But here's how these things are supposed to go. I snoop, I find nothing, I feel like an asshole, and I don't do it anymore. Not I snoop, and I find out all my suspicions are confirmed. I certainly found enough to not feel any guilt about violation of privacy. I suppose the opinion would be that I should have just asked, but I didn't want to insult her if I was just being paranoid.
So all this talk about uncompromising trust is well and good, I suppose, in an ideal world. But in my mind, what I found justified my actions. All of the people talking about how the quality of marriage has gone down, how people don't try enough, etc., are probably right. But being in the Army for 8 years, I've seen enough people betrayed, enough marriages fail, that I don't really know if I'll ever be able to achieve that uncompromising trust that would be ideal. At the very least, it'll take a long time.
On a side note, my fiancee introduced me to TFP, so I know that she stops in here to read. She might not like all of this, but since she helped me recover from the wreckage of my divorce while I was in Iraq, I think she'll understand.
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Veritas Vos Liberabit
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