Quote:
Originally Posted by Meditrina
Ok, this is going to be hard to answer. In all honesty, yes, I have looked when I knew the passwords. and it killed me. I found out things I wish I hadn't and then could not confront my now ex-husband about it because I felt guilty. It destroyed me. That was a long time ago though. A different time, a different place. The way he was acting and what he was doing on the computer left me feeling very insecure and not trusting. Of course, now we are separated. I cannot look back and regret; but look forward and learn. IF I ever have another SO, there will be no snooping. IF I suspect something, I will confront him immediately. Open and honest with my next relationship, if and when that happens.
I would suggest to anyone, if you suspect something is wrong, TALK about it. Don't snoop. Snooping kills relationships. Not that it is totally to blame for mine failing, but I am sure it contributed to an already failing relationship.
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It wasn't the finding of things you wished you hadn't, that destroyed you, it was the fact that your ex was disrespectful of you and the relationship you had...disrespectful enough to have done the things he wanted to keep hidden from you. Why live a lie? It's probably the best thing that happened in your relationship, at that time...for you to find out...it was dead already, but it sounds as if he was willing to go on living a lie...maybe for convenience, or maybe because he was getting away with it and had the best of both worlds. You deserve better than that. I don't hide anything from my SO...he knows my passwords, my mistakes, my hangups, my desires, my past...he can ask me anything, and he'll get the truth in return. If I felt there was something about my life that he shouldn't know...then that's something that shouldn't be in my life.
You should feel no guilt about the end of your marriage...you should feel joy! Marriage is about love, not deceit. Good thing you're free of it.