Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Anxiety, depression & addiction... oh my! The mental illness thread.

ametc · 10-23-2009, 10:39 PM

I've been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and major depression.

I'm a cutter and have dealt with doing drugs and sleeping with strangers as a 'way out'. But, nothing ever seemed to help me as much as cutting did.

I started cutting when I was 12/13 and my parents found out when I was 14 (my therapist blurted it out during a family session.. when she wasn't supposed to).

I have suffered from depersonalization, trances, panic attacks, and severe mood swings.

I have taken tons of different kinds of medicine (mostly because my psychiatrist didn't believe in psychic powers or ghosts and thought that my fidgeting on the couch was ADHD). There's too much to list.. some I don't even remember taking but I have bottles of. :P

BUT, let me tell you: NEVER...EVER...take Seroquel. I went from a slightly fluffy 140 lbs to a whopping 220 lbs in about a year and a half. My diet had not changed. Also, while taking Seroquel (and after I stopped taking it), I was unable to menstruate for 13 months (until I started taking BCP).

Ambien has put me into such deep trances that one time I performed a little surgery on myself. I opened myself up with a razor and sewed myself back up. It wasn't very large, but it was about two inches deep and when I awoke from the trance, I found bloodied towels and napkins and cotton balls everywhere. I have a very faint memory of the whole thing but I think I was trying to take out what I thought was a tumor. I still have the scar from it, too. >_< I've done crazy ass things while on Ambien. My sister caught me in the hallway a few times just sitting there staring into space for an hour or two. I dislike ambien.. BUT.. I have found that if I take 5 mg instead of 10 mg.. it puts me to sleep instead of a trance.

I took 225 mg of Effexor with a medley of other drugs for about 6 years until recently when I started taking Lexapro, but the side effects of Lexapro affected my heart real bad. So, now I'm taking Celexa and Abilify. Not too many problems with it so far.

I have been hospitalized after a suicide attempt 3 times. I was treated for my addictions this year, and it's actually really helped a lot. I still feel the urge to cut myself when I'm under lots of stress.. but I'm now able to allow myself to sit down and breathe.

!

I went through a phase where I was bulimic. But, I was never treated for it.

I don't want to sound like my life is so woeful.. because it isn't. Some parts suck ass... but overall, I have a normal enough life. My depression can come out of nowhere. I can try to control it through different methods... but sometimes it'll pop up with a panic attack, a trance, or depersonalization. Depersonalization is the worst, imo.

I get so peeved when somebody doesn't understand what depression or mental illnesses are like.

To them... if the person is an addict "they need to quit cold turkey!" if the person is depressed "they need to get over themselves and realize other people have it worse" if the person hears voices "they need to be put into a mental institution"

They don't understand the concept of mental ILLNESS. They assume it's either something we're doing to ourselves ("for attention") or something we should be locked up for.

Also, having to receive psychiatric help is still considered taboo and "only for crazy people".

These misconceptions need to end and the truth needs to get out there.

10-23-2009, 10:39 PM	#67 (permalink)
ametc Psycho	I've been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and major depression. I'm a cutter and have dealt with doing drugs and sleeping with strangers as a 'way out'. But, nothing ever seemed to help me as much as cutting did. I started cutting when I was 12/13 and my parents found out when I was 14 (my therapist blurted it out during a family session.. when she wasn't supposed to). I have suffered from depersonalization, trances, panic attacks, and severe mood swings. I have taken tons of different kinds of medicine (mostly because my psychiatrist didn't believe in psychic powers or ghosts and thought that my fidgeting on the couch was ADHD). There's too much to list.. some I don't even remember taking but I have bottles of. :P BUT, let me tell you: NEVER...EVER...take Seroquel. I went from a slightly fluffy 140 lbs to a whopping 220 lbs in about a year and a half. My diet had not changed. Also, while taking Seroquel (and after I stopped taking it), I was unable to menstruate for 13 months (until I started taking BCP). Ambien has put me into such deep trances that one time I performed a little surgery on myself. I opened myself up with a razor and sewed myself back up. It wasn't very large, but it was about two inches deep and when I awoke from the trance, I found bloodied towels and napkins and cotton balls everywhere. I have a very faint memory of the whole thing but I think I was trying to take out what I thought was a tumor. I still have the scar from it, too. >_< I've done crazy ass things while on Ambien. My sister caught me in the hallway a few times just sitting there staring into space for an hour or two. I dislike ambien.. BUT.. I have found that if I take 5 mg instead of 10 mg.. it puts me to sleep instead of a trance. I took 225 mg of Effexor with a medley of other drugs for about 6 years until recently when I started taking Lexapro, but the side effects of Lexapro affected my heart real bad. So, now I'm taking Celexa and Abilify. Not too many problems with it so far. I have been hospitalized after a suicide attempt 3 times. I was treated for my addictions this year, and it's actually really helped a lot. I still feel the urge to cut myself when I'm under lots of stress.. but I'm now able to allow myself to sit down and breathe. ! I went through a phase where I was bulimic. But, I was never treated for it. I don't want to sound like my life is so woeful.. because it isn't. Some parts suck ass... but overall, I have a normal enough life. My depression can come out of nowhere. I can try to control it through different methods... but sometimes it'll pop up with a panic attack, a trance, or depersonalization. Depersonalization is the worst, imo. I get so peeved when somebody doesn't understand what depression or mental illnesses are like. To them... if the person is an addict "they need to quit cold turkey!" if the person is depressed "they need to get over themselves and realize other people have it worse" if the person hears voices "they need to be put into a mental institution" They don't understand the concept of mental ILLNESS. They assume it's either something we're doing to ourselves ("for attention") or something we should be locked up for. Also, having to receive psychiatric help is still considered taboo and "only for crazy people". These misconceptions need to end and the truth needs to get out there.