Capnkeez

These are just some word of mouth toasts I've learned over the years, And I thought I'd share them with you.

Here's to the girls in the little red shoes,
They smoke all your dope and drink all your booze.
They lost their cherry and that's a sin,
But they still have the box that the cherry came in.


A Christmas one, I'm sure you've heard or at least heard a version of.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was sober, not even a mouse.

Momma in the whorehouse, Daddy in jail,
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of tail.

All of a sudden I heard such a clatter,
And I sprang from my girl to see what's the matter.

I ran to the window quick as a flash,
Slipped on a beer can and busted my ass.

Out on the lawn jackin' his dick,
I knew at that moment, it must be St. Nick.

Down through the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew right away that the bastard had fell.

He filled our stockings with rubbers and beer,
and an electric dick for the family queer.

He stuck his finger up his nose,
cut a fart and up he rose.

I heard him exclaim as he took off in flight,
Fuck y'all, It's been a hell of a night.