trikeaband

I have to stop drinking. I realize this will be extremely hard but I have to. Thing is, I'm not an alcoholic in the sense that I don't drink every day... usually just on the weekends, but the problem is this: I drink to excess, to the point where I get blackouts and I become somebody I don't like.

I have a GF but when I get drunk I mess around with other girls and I don't treat her well. That has happened countless times. Yet when I'm not drunk I treat her well. I also get blackouts which suck because I don't remember anything the next day. That happens almost every time I drink/ get drunk now.

I have something really great going with my GF. We have a really strong connection yet I push it away when I get drunk, because I think part of me; the shadow side perhaps, is hellbent on self-destruction. I don't want to self-destruct. I want to live.

I know this will be incredibly hard. I'm a performer and drinking is part of the social fabric of what I do. We get free drinks all the time. But I have to stand up and say NOOOOOOOOOO...

And I know I'll be judged because the handful of times I have attempted this in the past I have. A friend whom I quite like didn't wanna hang out with me because he wanted to get pissed and silly. That made me a bit sad, but what am I to do?

We're moving to Berlin and I think I will attend A.A. there. I need to fight these demons.

And before you say, "why not just be a social drinker? just have one or two?" ... because I won't want "just" one or two. It'll become more and more... I am the sort that needs total abstinence... because I'm an extremist.

Anyway, any thoughts or reactions would be great. I really need to fight this.