warrrreagl

Yeah, what Grancey said. That.

My brother lives in the Birmingham suburb of Hoover, but he's a bum, so stay away from him. He's a nice guy, but he's a bum. Both of my sisters have also lived in Birmingham suburbs (Vestavia and Irondale), and Grancey lived in Vestavia for a year while we dated.

Most southerners are deeply curious about transplants, and once we get to know you, we love hearing all about your travels and experiences. We are usually voracious about learning from other people from other places with a few caveats.

First, we will always remain fiercely proud of our home area, and we basically want to hear you say that, too. Although we love learning about other places, we ultimately want to hear you say that the South is the best place you ever lived, and we will practically kill you with kindness until we get you to say it. So get ready for that. Secondly, we tend to adopt new cultural trends at a leisurely pace so that everybody can get on board. Therefore, don't expect people to be ready to dive off into new and exciting ways of changing their lives, no matter how practical and logical your suggestions might be. There's a reason people make fun of us for moving slowly.

Here are some things you might be used to in Chicago that you will not find in Birmingham:
- a liquor store that will deliver at 10 in the morning
- quality pizza
- four distinct seasons each year
- a white Christmas

If there is anything Grancey or I can do to help out, be sure to let us know!

EDIT: I forgot to add a word or two about something called "The Bread Phenomenon." If ANY inclement weather is forecast (snow, hurricane, tornado, etc.), every single grocery store in your town will be emptied of all bread products. I've never understood this, but it's true. At most, a Birmingham snowfall will result in about half a day's displacement, but JUST IN CASE - every single loaf of bread in town will be hoarded. It's the damndest thing.

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